The average cat is fat, dependent, lazy, and easily amused. Exactly like the average web surfer!
And what do we do when we discover something surprisingly similar to ourselves?
WE FUCK IT!
Ladies and gentlebeings, I present to you: KILFs!!!
Note: To avoid undue creepiness (too late!), selections are limited to cartoon members of the cat family, as well as humanoid were-cat types.
Garfield
I’ve got a thing for narcissistic, hairy, orange men.
Garfield is exceptionally sarcastic, lazy and cruel. Qualities that’ll make anyone horny, as proven on MTV’s 16 and Pregnant. On the plus side, he LURVES lasagna. That’s Italian food, right? So, maybe he’s secretly passionate? He’s worth bedding just for the bragging rights, but I predict some interesting foreplay, maybe even a little S&M (Oh, Garfield, you brutal master!) But, being so fat and generally uninterested, I can’t imagine he’s anything but a dud in the sack.
Unexpected Bonus: Group sex with Odie. Two words: Massive tongue.
Panthro
Just call me Daddy.
The musclebound Thundercat is really good with his hands, if you know what I mean! By which I mean that he’s an accomplished mechanic and engineer. Okay, he probably swings a mean dick, too. I mean, the dude wears spiked suspenders! Spiked fucking suspenders! I’m thinking fisting is not off limits.
Unexpected Bonus: Backseat action (wink, wink) in the ThunderTank.
The Avatar Chick
My Mountain Banshee is bigger than yours.
The Na’vi look cat-like enough to warrant inclusion on the list, as well as a jolly good rogering! Watching a sinuous, blue-skinned warrior-woman like Neytiri swing around the jungle made my Hometree stand on end. She can fight, takes no shit, and she’s ultra passionate about the environment. What does all that spell? Awesome S-E-X!
Unexpected Bonus: She’s got a tail! Imagine the kinky shit you could do with that!
The Pink Panther
Feel free to press my pink button!
The coolest cat around, the Pink Panther can amble in with his cocktail and turn his cool-as-fuck gaze on anyone in the house, leaving them helpless against his unrelenting coolitude. And god forbid he takes an interest in your date! Leaning like a cholo, he’s strutting out with your squeeze hanging on his fluffy, pink dick.
Unexpected Bonus: How awesome would it be to bang to his theme song? Ba dum, ba dum, ba dum ba dum ba dum ba dum ba duuuuuuum!
Tigger
Kiss me here! Then move on to my nuts.
Tiggers are wonderful things. Their tongues are made of rubber, their cocks are made of springs! Who wouldn’t want a bedroom romp with this hyper-energetic, undeniably fuckable (you know you want him), tiger-like creature? Tigger is a good time, guaranteed! Trust me, I read it on the bathroom wall. Though I’ve heard he can be suspicerous! So you may have to get an STD panel first.
Unexpected Bonus: If you’re into sexy bouncing, get ready for the ride of your life.
Catwoman
I’ve got nine lives, NINE LIVES!
The Queen KILF herself, Selina Kyle! Played by a gaggle of hot women over the years (Julie Newmar, Lee Meriwether, Eartha Kitt, Michelle Pfieffer, Halle Berry, Anne Hathaway), Catwoman’s always wielded her sexuality as a weapon. A former prostitute and abuse survivor, she’s become a kickass chick who knows what she wants, and she’ll steal it right out from under your nose. It would be an honor to follow Batman. Plus, she wears skin-tight leather: FUCKING HOT!
Unexpected Bonus: Do you even have to ask?
Meow!
And what do we do when we discover something surprisingly similar to ourselves?
WE FUCK IT!
Ladies and gentlebeings, I present to you: KILFs!!!
Note: To avoid undue creepiness (too late!), selections are limited to cartoon members of the cat family, as well as humanoid were-cat types.
Garfield
Garfield is exceptionally sarcastic, lazy and cruel. Qualities that’ll make anyone horny, as proven on MTV’s 16 and Pregnant. On the plus side, he LURVES lasagna. That’s Italian food, right? So, maybe he’s secretly passionate? He’s worth bedding just for the bragging rights, but I predict some interesting foreplay, maybe even a little S&M (Oh, Garfield, you brutal master!) But, being so fat and generally uninterested, I can’t imagine he’s anything but a dud in the sack.
Unexpected Bonus: Group sex with Odie. Two words: Massive tongue.
Panthro
The musclebound Thundercat is really good with his hands, if you know what I mean! By which I mean that he’s an accomplished mechanic and engineer. Okay, he probably swings a mean dick, too. I mean, the dude wears spiked suspenders! Spiked fucking suspenders! I’m thinking fisting is not off limits.
Unexpected Bonus: Backseat action (wink, wink) in the ThunderTank.
The Avatar Chick
The Na’vi look cat-like enough to warrant inclusion on the list, as well as a jolly good rogering! Watching a sinuous, blue-skinned warrior-woman like Neytiri swing around the jungle made my Hometree stand on end. She can fight, takes no shit, and she’s ultra passionate about the environment. What does all that spell? Awesome S-E-X!
Unexpected Bonus: She’s got a tail! Imagine the kinky shit you could do with that!
Cringer aka Battlecat
The Madonna AND The Whore.
Unexpected Bonus: Loincloths everywhere!
The Pink Panther
The coolest cat around, the Pink Panther can amble in with his cocktail and turn his cool-as-fuck gaze on anyone in the house, leaving them helpless against his unrelenting coolitude. And god forbid he takes an interest in your date! Leaning like a cholo, he’s strutting out with your squeeze hanging on his fluffy, pink dick.
Unexpected Bonus: How awesome would it be to bang to his theme song? Ba dum, ba dum, ba dum ba dum ba dum ba dum ba duuuuuuum!
Tigger
Tiggers are wonderful things. Their tongues are made of rubber, their cocks are made of springs! Who wouldn’t want a bedroom romp with this hyper-energetic, undeniably fuckable (you know you want him), tiger-like creature? Tigger is a good time, guaranteed! Trust me, I read it on the bathroom wall. Though I’ve heard he can be suspicerous! So you may have to get an STD panel first.
Unexpected Bonus: If you’re into sexy bouncing, get ready for the ride of your life.
Catwoman
The Queen KILF herself, Selina Kyle! Played by a gaggle of hot women over the years (Julie Newmar, Lee Meriwether, Eartha Kitt, Michelle Pfieffer, Halle Berry, Anne Hathaway), Catwoman’s always wielded her sexuality as a weapon. A former prostitute and abuse survivor, she’s become a kickass chick who knows what she wants, and she’ll steal it right out from under your nose. It would be an honor to follow Batman. Plus, she wears skin-tight leather: FUCKING HOT!
Unexpected Bonus: Do you even have to ask?
