So how do you pick the right spot to showcase your tree and join in the wood-pride celebration?
1. Go private with your party. Public banging of wood = bad. Private participation = good. Neighbors do not want to hear how loud you can bang your wood. This was apparently a concept Bill Clinton forgot while in the oral office.
2. Protect your wood from fire, theft, or damage. While Allstate might not insure your wood, you can have it for many years to come by giving it the right sealant. Fail to seal it, and it will become patchy and worn. No one likes ratty, old wood.
3. Inspect your wood for bugs. Bugs are wood abuse and do not enhance the wood-banging experience. Don’t abuse the wood or it will desert you in the end.
4. Decorate your wood. Facecloths, Christmas ornaments, gift-wrapped boxes … the possibilities are as endless as the list of evidence in a court case.
5. Don’t be a sap. Drippy wood makes a mess and can cement celebratory participants to one another in a way that is uncomfortable and at best unflattering. Make sure you mop up after the wood.
So remember, however you decide to plant your wood this Arbor Day, do it in a way that everyone can enjoy. The local flora and fauna will thank you.
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Go wood or go home.
No pecking allowed.