Gentle reader, we’ve been piecing together the bisexual, overly-sexual, crazy situation that Jeremy has gotten himself into with his lesbian girlfriend. But, enough about Jeremy, let’s find out what’s been going on with Anna this whole time.
Anna was questioning her sexual orientation as she watched her long-time boyfriend, Jeremy, haphazardly strum his guitar in his apartment. Deep in thought that Friday night, she stumbled to the window to watch the ducks swim joyously in the cool November air. It would be two months and two lovers later before her male counterpart ever found out about her infidelity with Mildred. The ducks would be slowly dying out and the remaining ones would become more and more pessimistic about the nature of existence and also frustrated by the tedium of human interpersonal relationships.
Anna remained lost in her reverie as Jeremy hit several wrong chords. He’d attempted to compose a song to sing to Anna on the night of their second anniversary — an event which would occur at the bar where they first met, over the same type of wine they first drank together. (Sutter Home. No class. Jeremy really only liked cider and Anna sucked down nothing but Jameson’s and the souls of men). This feat would never be realized, however, and Jeremy would end up as the drugged-out bass guitarist for a Poison cover band. Anna had once thought Jeremy would be a great song artist. She was wrong about a lot of things, including her sexual orientation.
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Anna was still watching the ducks when Jeremy put down his guitar and in exchange placed his arm around her.
“Aww that’s a cute one.” Jeremy said pointing to a mallard. He was very sensitive about animals and had always wanted to get a kitten. He would name it “Fluffy” and feed it kitty treats until it was fat as a wise, Buddhist monk. However, Anna was allergic and hated dogs too. The goldfish Jeremy had gotten her died in six days. She had forgotten to feed it but instead of admitting this she told him it drowned. “Though it kind of looks like he’s sneering.”
Anna took no notice of this and tried instead to force a smile, which came out looking something like the mallard’s sinister expression. Jeremy asked what was on her mind. Anna made up some excuse to walk away from Jeremy and the conversation. She said she was tired and needed a cup of coffee. She departed the apartment for a coffee shop where she ordered her usual black coffee and contemplated her next move in life — toward Mildred. This involved several more black coffees, a few awkward lines, and finally the addition of much Jameson’s whiskey to even several more black coffees. All in all the adventure cost a grand total of forty-three Euro and the better part of Anna’s judgment.
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Mildred, “Milly,” if you are familiar with her, was engaged in wiping down the countertop, as it was ten minutes until closing time and she had to leave in five to meet her AA sponsor. Anna staggered out from the bathroom smelling of Jameson’s flavored vomit and tripped immediately. She managed to stop herself from fully falling by catching the front of Mildred’s black Starbuck’s apron. It was a very heated moment.
The relationship would last for a month, and as you don’t know, end abruptly in the most unpredictable of ways. It would be a heated event, with even more emotions spilling than the previous caffeinated mishap that had joined the lovers. It would also include more alcoholic intake on Anna’s part. Anna had suspected Mildred of infidelity (Anna was perpetually neurotic and suspicious and even paranoid) and thus followed her to her AA session, which was more of a sexy heterosexual orgy than anything resembling the gathering of a bunch of alkies. (Mildred had lied.) Anna smelled the sweet stench of sweat laced with bourbon as she watched the hedonistic party in front of her. She vomited. It reeked of Jameson’s. And thusly it was revealed that Mildred’s trips to AA had been nothing more than rendezvous with her “swinger’s club.”
Sometimes, gentle reader, fiction is stranger than truth.
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