Welcome to the Dating Survival Guide, the Rosetta Stone for dating men who, instead of just being from Mars, appear to be from an entirely different solar system. We’re bringing insider intel from the other side so that you may go from awkward first date to potential girlfriend in the fewest steps necessary. From the Sports Nut to the Music Aficionado, whatever hottie you’re hungering for, the Guide’s got your back. First up: the Geek.
In our context, “geek” does not mean “nerd.” We’re talking Comic-Con style geek, complete with World of Warcraft. “Wouldn’t this type of man be grateful to have any female interest?” you ask, stereotypically. This is not the point; love comes in all shapes and sizes. If you can connect to him through the sci-fi fantasy alternate reality he loves so dearly, he just might come to prefer your real-life self to your hot, huge-breasted avatar.
Getting involved in your man’s life means embracing your inner geek. Maybe you’re super girly and find all this stuff weird. (I mean, comics are so dude-ish — no woman or gay man would allow Wonder Woman’s silver headpiece/golden wristbands faux pas.) But you don’t have to dress up like Spock to appreciate all that the sci-fi/fantasy world has to offer. If your dude likes comics, try reading a graphic novel like Neil Gaiman’s The Sandman series (there are only ten, the story’s good, and the pictures are pretty). If he’s a fantasy fella, get sexy in a corset and take a weekend trip to a Renaissance festival. You’ll buy adorable, useless shit to weave into your hair, he’ll check out swords he doesn’t know how to use, and you’ll both get wasted on mead, and bone. Win-win. There’s a reason he likes this stuff, and you like him. Find your avenue.
Now, for the quick and dirty part of the Guide; our fail-safe Cheat Sheet and Minefields:
CHEAT SHEET
DC vs. Marvel: DC is Superman, Batman, The Flash, Wonder Woman. Marvel is Spiderman, The Hulk, X-Men, Daredevil, Iron Man. These aren’t all the superheroes, but they’re the main ones. Knowing who belongs to which is key.
Leeroy Jenkins: YouTube this immediately. It’s a video of a big time World of Warcraft fail where one dude single-handedly effs up an elaborately thought-out plan of attack by rushing in, yelling his name, and subsequently getting everyone killed. Being able to mimic the oh so famous battlecry: “Leeeroooy Jenkins!” will totally make your guy smile.
Shorthand: When talking about Star Trek: The Next Generation, refer to it by the shorthand, TNG, to appear comfy with the geeks. Same goes for Mystery Science Theater 3000 — MST3K. Referring to stuff by their nicknames is super dorky, hence making you one of the dorky pack.
Blade Runner: Director’s Cut — Owning Blade Runner: The Director’s Cut, or just voicing the opinion that it’s somehow superior to the original, gives you immediate cache. (The movie theatre version has a cheesy, crappy voice-over, whereas the director’s cut keeps it dark and real.)
POTENTIAL MINEFIELDS
Star Trek vs. Star Wars: Don’t mix ‘em up, they’re totally different. Star Wars isn’t even considered sci-fi, it’s a “space western.” It happened in the past (“a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away”), whereas Star Trek is in the future. So… yeah.
Get Your Geek Right: To the untrained eye, all geeks are equal. But say that to him and it could be a deep affront. Recognize that Dungeons and Dragons is a fantasy-based game that uses imagination and dice, but World of Warcraft is an online game.
Harry Potter: The HP fan is its own geek entirely. They can be a geek of all fantasy, or can be exclusive devotees to JK. On the other hand, Harry Potter can often earn deep distaste and distain from those who consider their tastes in fantasy to be more refined. Read: Gandalf kicks the crap out of any poseur from Hogwarts. But those Harry Potter fans are venomous, too, so be careful until you’re sure of what side your guy’s on.
Vampires: Just ‘cause your fella likes fantasy does NOT mean he’ll be into your vampire stories. Elements of fantasy do not make something “fantasy.” Our current bout of vamp material is mostly melodrama with hints of soft-core porn. Twilight is for tweens to masturbate to and True Blood is for adult women and gay men. Unless you’re watching True Blood as a stand-in for dirty movie night, then maybe it’s okay.
You left Thor and Captain America off the Marvel list, and I only point it out because the movies are coming out soon, and they’re marvel’s big tent-poles before the Avengers (Thor, Iron Man, Captain America, and the Hulk all at once).
That omission means all the chicks trying to get wit’ this are going to be all like “wait… Captain America? Like…does he hang out with Batman or like… uh… Aquaman?” and I’d be all like “nuh-uh sister, you ain’t never gonna get none of this milkshake.”
And they never would. Because my milkshake is full of stars.
“Twilight is for tweens to masturbate to and True Blood is for adult women and gay men.”
Classic.