Case Study on the Effects of Job Dissatisfaction in Mythological Creatures

EB:  You know how exhausting it is to lay brightly colored eggs for all of the children in the world?  Huh?  Santa’s got elves, plus 365 days to build the toys… but I have to lay every egg by MYSELF!!

Mrs.:  Nick knows how to delegate.

EB:  It’s easy to delegate when you’re not squeezing your wares out of your nether regions!  Do you see Mr. Claus crapping out a dolly for little Jenny?

Doctor:  There is no need to raise our voices here, Easter.  Do your breathing exercises. In with Jesus, out with love….in with Jesus, out with love.

EB:  Easy on the Jesus talk, there, Doc.  You know he and I aren’t on speaking terms.

Mrs.:  He’s just so jealous, Dr.  You’d think he could learn to share the holiday with the Son of God, but he has to get into this big pissing contest every time we see him. It’s embarrassing.

EB:  I was here first!  People were worshipping me before he was even a twinkle in the Virgin Mary’s eye.  The guy is pretty self righteous, too.

Mrs.:  He’s the Son of God, for Christ’s sake! Oh…

Dr.:  We are not here to discuss Jesus, or Santa Claus.  We are here today to talk about your relationship.  Now, Enid says that there are differences of opinion when it comes to procreation.

Mrs.:  All 300 of my brothers and sisters have families of their own.  I knew that Easter laid eggs, but he assured me that everything down there was working properly.  We have been together for 15 years, and still no children!

EB:  Why would you want to have kids anyways?  Aren’t there enough fucked up rabbits in this world?  And maybe I would be a little bit more interested in doing the deed if you hadn’t gained so much weight!

Mrs.:  If we didn’t live on chocolate eggs and jelly beans, I would have a trimmer figure!  And maybe if you paid any attention to me, instead of going off with the Tooth Fairy every weekend…

She breaks into heavy sobbing on the tape.

Dr.:  The Tooth fairy, interesting…Well, I’m sorry.  Our time is up.  We’ll pick up next time where we left off.  Enid, let’s set up your next appointment.

Mrs.:  Thank you, Doctor.

EB:  Good riddance.  I’ll be home when I feel like it.

Tape continues to run as numbers are punched on a cell phone.

EB:  Hey, Tooth?  The old lady’s onto us.  She must have found that glitter on my collar.