1. Your Shadow
According to The New York Times, due to downsizing and major avances in tecnología, we’ve all been forced to do unpaid “shadow work” on a daily basis.
Source: Shadow-Puppets.com
En los viejos tiempos, people used to be paid to fill up your gas tank, check you into your next flight, and bag your groceries. Pero desafortunadamente, all those jobs have vanished and the work that used to be performed by paid empleados is now being done by consumers!
Boycott:
To help create more trabajos and to give ourselves a break from all the shadow work we do — boycott all types of shadow work como:
– Purchasing and bagging your own groceries
– Purchasing and filling up your own gas tank
– Booking, purchasing, and checking into your own flight
– Roaming the isles of Trader Joe’s and finding their “Organic, Fat-Free, Fair-Labor, Environmentally-Friendly, Conflict-Free” Soy Cheese on your own.
– Picking your own boogers
– Cutting your own fingernails
– Diagnosing your own Gonorrhea on WebMD.com
2. Your Sexuality
Mujeres, a recent study has shown that 60% of women find other women attractive. Quién habría pensado that MORE THAN HALF of women are really into the whole “vest-and-converse-shoes” look?
Boycott:
Now that we know that most mujeres are bi, I say we put an end to our heteronormative sociedad! Boycott all straight norms y replace them with gay norms:
– Record over the “straight kiss” at the end of every romantic comedia you’ve ever seen and replace it with a clip of The Rosie Show.
– Instead of wearing a white dress to your wedding, wear a pantsuit; and instead of holding a bouquet, hold a martillo and a two-by-four.
– On your tax forms, create a new check box under the “marital status” sección that reads: “Currently Without Basic Human Rights Because Some Polygamist In Utah Thinks Gay Kisses Are Icky”
3. Motherhood
Atención career-driven mujeres: a recent survey revealed that there are now ten times the amount of stay-at-home dads than there were ten years ago.
Que padre, no?
To help encourage this trend, and to help increase the number of mujeres in a work force that desperately needs their unique perspective, let’s boycott motherhood!
Boycott:
Any behavior a Mamá would exhibit, como:
– Spitting on her dedos and using that spit to clean off a smudge on their daughter’s blouse right in front of her daughter’s boss.
– Repeatedly guilty-tripping her daughter into having grandchildren before she gets so old that she starts forgetting what día it is and has to pee in a bed pan.
– Filling up her daughter’s voicemail with several mensajes asking her daughter whether or not she’s been kidnapped porque she hasn’t heard from her in the last three hours.
