According to a recent survey, 85 percent of women reported they’d been annoyed by some of their Facebook friends. Kind of a “duh,” right? Not to Jere Doyle, CEO of Prospectiv, which owns Eversave, the daily deal website that conducted the survey.”We were surprised by responses that show the love/hate relationship women have with Facebook.”
Um, no shocker here, Jere. Women have a love/hate relationship with lots of things, including women. See: Mean Girls.
Obvious results to everyone with ovaries aside, just who are these female frenemies we wish we never accepted buddy requests from? The survey conveniently boiled it down, and I’m sure you’ve regretted friending at least one of them:
| Facebook Alter-Ego | Sample Social Media Offense | Perp’s Real Life M-O |
| Documentarian | “8:12AM and already had my first bowel movement of the morn. Boy was it a sturdy floater … huzzah!” | Loser with absolutely zilch going for her, except a healthy digestive track. |
| Drama Queen | “WHY IS IT PEOPLE ALWAYS TYPE IN F$&% CAPS??? DON’T THEY KNOW IT FEELS LIKE U R BEING YELLED AT!!!!!” | Chick who gloats she had a callback for the umpteenth season of “The Bachelor.” Hard to believe the producers thought she wasn’t catty enough. |
| Proud Mama | “Little Jacob weewee’d like a big boy today!” or “Bubbles didn’t pee in my purse. Good lil doggy :)” | First time human/pet parent. Newsflash: we don’t need 50 blurry cell pics of your schnoodle with his new squeaker toy. 1 = cute. More than 1 = barf. |
| Incessant Liker | Simultaneously ‘Likes’ the “I Love Cupcakes” page and “I Hate Cupcakes” page. | That annoying/creepy chick in middle school who always wore the EXACT same outfit you wore the day before. Baa sheeple, baaaaa. |
| Poser | “OMG I have the bestest beau ever! He got me tix to the Britney concert and going to dinner at that hoity toity place that costs $$$$$. He totes read my bazillion texts. SQUEEE!!!” | The nagger/bragger. Nags her boy to get what she wants, then brags as though he thought it up magically on his own. Yeah right, Cinderella, we both know he ain’t Prince Charming. |
| Slactivist | “Everyday, millions of unicorns go extinct, threatening the very survival of the species. If you care about unicorns, please re-post this as your status, even though it won’t actually do a darn thing to save a unicorn. Think of the unicorns!” | The bacon-eating vegan who rants about global warming as they drive .125 miles to the gym in their Hummer. |
We all occasionally have our cyber sharing slip-ups, but if any of this hits too close to home (i.e. in the last hour, you’ve posted 63 pics of your calico kitten on her kitty tower), please limit your use of all social media platforms immediately. The friends that haven’t blocked you will thank (and ‘Like’) you for it.
Love it…