What Kind of Wine Are You?

Classy wine snobs will tell you each wine has a specific character, just like people. What kind of wine do you think you are? Take the quiz and find out!

Physically, you…

a) … have a medium build and were an early bloomer.

b) … were a late bloomer and have some junk in the trunk.

c) … probably played tennis, or look like you could.

d) … are a sturdy, athletic type with the dark and handsome vibe.

At a party, you…

a) … are easy to get along with, but don’t really make a strong first impression.

b) … like to make a big entrance, and are likely to get into a heated political debate.

c) … reign over conversation with your dry wit and affability.

d) … hold the attentions of others easily with your alluring sense of mystery.

Personality-wise,

a) … you just want to be liked, and defer to other people’s opinions.

b) … you are kind of a diva, and have strong opinions.

c) … you’re charming and popular but have few deep friendships.

d) … people fall in love with you quickly.

In terms of relationships, you…

a) … tend to be pals with brassy types.

b) … love angry sex.

c) … are completely commitment phobic.

d) … have got staying power and potent sex appeal.

You…

a) … are soft-spoken.

b) … have a hot mom.

c) … went to private school and to an Ivy League college.

d) … are intense, but don’t cause drama.

If you got mostly “A” …

You’re a Merlot!  While other reds are harsh, you’re the quiet one of the bunch.  You’ve got a medium body, are soft and compliant, aren’t suited for long aging, and often mix with more ballsy reds like Cabernet to mellow them out.  You bud and are harvested earlier than the other varietals, and are more amenable to rough soil conditions.  You’re easy to like, but easy to forget: you probably get to a lot of third dates, but have trouble getting a long-term guy.  If you don’t like being a Merlot, we suggest nutting up a bit.  Get tannic.  Buy some lingere.  Nothin’ wrong with going down easy, but it’s fun to have some bite to ya every now and then.  (Ooo, ouch.  Maybe not bite, but perhaps a little scrape?)

If you got mostly “B” …

You’re a Cabernet Sauvignon!  With a full body, deep complexity, and big flava, you’re one of the world’s best varietals, and it’s not because you’re low maintenance.  You’re a complicated type, and your grapes need some pampering.  You’ll slap a man and then make out with him, and he’ll keep coming back for more.  You age well, and often get cut with mellower reds to chill you out (hangin’ out with the girls does you good when you get too mancrazy.)  If you don’t like being a Cab, consider taking up meditation for your anger management to cut down on your tannic nature.  Too much drama causes a big ole sulfite headache.

If you got mostly “C” …

You’re Champagne!  Everyone loves champagne, that double-fermented, medium-bodied class act.  Champagne can be sweet, but dry versions (Brut) are the standard.  So you’re way more Dorothy Parker than Doris Day.  Only problem is that while you are loved by all, you’re not too often truly appreciated and savored.  But that’s as much due to your own flippant and bubbly ways as it is to other people’s perceptions of you.  If you wish you weren’t Champagne, try getting vulnerable with a friend of yours, instead of just joking about how many dudes you blew last year.

If you got mostly “D” …

You’re Shiraz or Syrah, as in yes sir-ah!  You’re bold, you’re juicy, you’re spicy!  You seize your dance partner in a sexy tango of luscious, intense flavor with that nice full body of yours.  You’re some of the world’s darkest, most robust reds, and you’ve got excellent longevity.  Cue the Lionel Ritchie: “All Night Long!”  Basically, you’re the Javier Bardem of wine.   If you don’t like it, too bad.  You’re blessed with people wanting to fuck you, even though you’re too cool to get mired in the drama.  We’re sure you can appear more down to Earth by farting in public.