10. Your Purse
Pro – If you’re really in a stitch, puking in your purse is what a lady has to do. No one can blame you for the convenience, or for the fact that once you hurl, just zip it up and throw it away.
Con – You have to throw away your purse, and everything you puked on. Which includes that extra pair of underwear you brought just in case something sexy happens.
9. Your Shoe
Pro – Your shoe is also good for puking on the go, plus all the amenities of not vomiting on your emergency underwear.
Con – Listen, there are two major cons here. First of all, what are you going to do, walk around without one shoe for the rest of the night? That’s going to be real smooth, Lionel Richie. So either ditch the shoe, or walk around in a squishy puke boot? That’s a lose – lose.
8. Out the Window of a Moving Car
Pro – Plan this one right and you’ve just tossed your cookies at speeds of up to 70 mph, leaving only the creepy guy who picks up road kill with your little secret.
Con – Plan this one as someone who’s too drunk to ask the driver to pull over, and you’re probably going to end up spewing all over the car and your best friend in the back seat. And boy, is that going to piss her off.
7. Your Best Friend’s Pasta Pot
Pro – So, your best friend is having a little Italian get together with her closest drinking buds, and you guys get pretty shitty on some boxed wine. When you’re tapping the next box you feel your stomach going through the emergency exit procedure. Bingo! Turn to the pasta pot that your friend just bought and upchuck in a washable container.
Con– Remember when you puked on your best friend in the car? Well, she’s going to be doubly pissed when you spew in her brand new pasta pot. She bought it for Italian night and you’ve ruined it. RUINED IT!!!! Good luck getting an invite for French night.
6. Dumpster
Pro – No clean up! And look, your best friend is still talking to you!
Con – So if you can’t make it to a toilet, how are you going to climb into a dumpster? And still look classy. Didn’t think about that second part, did you?
5. Mailbox
Pro – All the cleanliness of the dumpster while still looking sober. Because that’s the real point, right?
Con – There is no con! It’s somebody else’s problem. Ha ha, suckers! Try and return THAT to sender!
4. Bush
Pro – The nicer version of the mailbox. No Netflix DVDs were harmed in the making of this spew.
Con – Sometimes when you get down into a bush to puke, you might not get back up. For some reason, bushes just look cozy when you’re drunk. And you’ll never live down the time your friends found you in that bush.
3. Trashcan
Pro – Just throw the trash away! No problem! Easy cleanup. No embarrassment.
Con – Sometimes people don’t put trash bags in their trashcans. And those people are unprepared for life.
2. Bathtub
Pro – Like the trash can, it’s an easy clean up.
Con – Like the pasta pot, your best friend wants to know why you didn’t just turn around and puke in the toilet. I would think it’s safe to say you guys aren’t best friends anymore.
1. Toilet
Pro – The holy land of Vomitville. The ice cold porcelain, the magical water that whisks the bad memories away, the close proximity to the ground. All these features make this the perfect place to puke.
Con – Yuck! Puking is gross!
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I’ve only been found in a bush once…not bad stats if I do say so myself! As for the other 9….
Thank for the comments guys! Puking is the worst! If you have to vomit in a foreign country, ask the concierge what to do. After all, you want to spew like a local, not like a tourist!
Very Funny! Do you have any suggestions for puking in a foreign country?
I’m assuming #11 would have been the blender at a friend’s parents house? Solid top 10 though!
I’ve done all of these!
I HAAAATE puke. I avoid it at all costs. Thank you for giving ladies of the puking persuasion a guide to staying the hell away from me with their vomit. 🙂
Great article, Lindsey! My favorite one is “mailbox.” Very creative.
This is great! It’s amazing to me how many people puke not only at the wrong time but THE WRONG PLACE! Thank you for guiding the good timers towards efficient and considerate barfs.
I never would’ve thought of puking in my purse…I guess I just like my purses too much. It’d be hard to throw them away, as convenient as it sounds. Hmm, maybe I should just borrow my friend’s clutch for such an occasion.