However, for every majestic and statuesque Gort:
…there are a bunch of IT-O Interrogator droids:
So, let’s take a closer look at some of sci-fi’s sexiest artificial intelligences.
7. The Terminator – T-800 (Arnold version)
This fella’s the strong, silent type, if you like that sort of thing. He won’t finish until his mission is completed, and you know what that means … he’ll get you off and then he’ll be back for more. He’s been known to appear in public places, naked and ready to rumble. All his bones are made of steel. All of them. Awesome robot f*ckbuddy, right? But there is that whole thing about being an unstoppable killing machine from the future, so natch that puts up some red flags.
These ain’t your daddy’s Cylons.
No, Ronald D. Moore’s reimagined robotic conquerors are far more advanced … and way more into sex. Besides being aesthetically pleasing, these androids sure do love boffing humans, even though they’re supposedly mankind’s mortal enemies. So, in between crazy sexy times, you’ll have to keep on your toes to avoid a thermonuclear device being dropped down your trousers. But that can be pretty kinky, in and of itself.
Lots of people say the original Battlestar is better, but we argue, seriously, who’d want to get in the bone-zone with this guy?
Since the release of Blade Runner in 1982, many a flame-war has ignited over whether Harrison Ford’s character, Deckard, is a replicant or not. We like to think he is. Thus, the replicants’ place on the list is earned by very simple logic. Harrison Ford is a replicant. Harrison Ford was also Han Solo. Who doesn’t wanna f*ck Han Solo? Done.
Built by mad scientist and nerdy murderer Warren Mears, the Buffy-Bot was a near-perfect robotic replica of Buffy Summers. Special ordered by frustrated undead suitor Spike to service his Buffy-jones, the Buffy-Bot took its duties very seriously, whether it be giving Spike all the bang for his buck, or valiantly falling in battle against the demon goddess Glorificus. We hail thee, Buffy-Bot, and hope to make sweet bot-love to you in some heaven dimension.
3. Gigolo Joe
Perhaps the most famous sex-bot ever to grace the silver screen is Gigolo Joe from A.I., as portrayed by Jude Law. And who can say no to Jude Law’s chiseled features and dreamy accent? No one, that’s who. Not to mention that he was built purely to get it on, and can snap into any personality that tickles your fancy. And by fancy, we mean your secret little honeypot. The only thing that keeps Gigolo Joe from the top of this list is his creepy friendship with Haley Joel Osment. Picturing that kid-bot’s weepy, baleful cow-eyes staring at you while you get it on is enough to make a cooch dry up like Tatooine.
2. The Stepford Wives
They know their place. (Just kidding! Yay, feminism!)
Topping our list of automaton fornicators is none other than Lt. Commander Data, Second Officer of the Starship Enterprise NCC 1701-D. Regardless of his sickly yellow complexion and extreme case of helmet-hair, he is our primo piece of bot-cake. Though he may come off all stiff and uptight, he’s a fully functional lover, “programmed in multiple techniques. A broad variety of pleasuring,” as he told Tasha Yar just before they did the nasty.
Plus, he has one thing that no man can ever match. A removable emotion chip, for when you don’t want to hear about his daddy issues or all that Cain/Abel stuff with his brother-bot. Pluck that sucker out and you won’t be stuck in a boring epic cuddle after a particularly intense pleasure-fest.