What do you get when you mix anglophilia, swagger, the curious looks of a toothsome otter, and a ridiculous Harry-Potter-wizard name? The success of one Benedict Cumberbatch. Yep, Hollywood, all the ladies, and a ton of dudes love this quirky Brit. He’s even arguably more of a national treasure to the English than Morrissey or that royal fetus all hunkered down in Kate Middleton’s warm, regal uterus.
Let’s sum up Sir (give it time) Cumberbatch’s recent successes. Not only is he Sherlock Holmes, Benedict Cumberbatch voices the Tolkienian Dragon Smaug AND will torment Kirk as the shiny new Star Trek villain. If Benedict Cumberbatch has what it takes to play a fantasy beast, a sleuth of questionable sanity, and a space baddie, what can’t he do? The short answer: Nothing. Where do his acting chops fall short? You guessed it: Nowhere.
So, since Hollywood loves remaking, rebooting, and reimagining anything that might make a few million smackers at the cinema…and since we can’t stand watching our beloved favorite movies butchered, we need Benedict Cumberbatch. Franchises and reboots are safe in Cumberbatch’s [presumably] soft, long-fingered hands. He’s allowed Arthur Conan Doyle, J.R.R. Tolkien, and Gene Roddenberry to breathe posthumous sighs of relief. And he can do it for you, too.
Here are the top 5 roles Benedict Cumberbatch should play in order to make sure the movie remakes don’t suck.
Patrick Bateman – American Psycho
It’s time for Benny to ditch the crumpets and wellies and trade ’em in for a suite and ax. Let’s hope he’s been working on his American accent!
Frances Houseman – Dirty Dancing
No one puts Benedict Cumberbatch in a corner. In this gender-bending role, Cumberbatch would play Baby to Martin Freeman’s Swayze character. The lift. Can you even imagine the lift? No you can’t, because it’s too shiny and glorious.
Number 5 – Short Circuit
The British have too many butlers and not enough robots. Let’s fix that… But can Benedict Cumberbatch play an android? Yes, yes he can. Benny 5 is ALIVE!
Falcor – The Neverending Story
Smaug was just a rehearsal for this role of a lifetime. As evidenced by his handling of the complexities of Paul Marshall in Atonement (ew, creepy), Mr. Cumberatch has prepared himself to play the world’s favorite and only fluffy white luckdragon. Fantasia is in your hands, Benedict. Keep it safe.
Pennywise/It – It
What makes Benedict Cumberbatch perfect for this role is that he’s as creepy as he is sexy. Which is disturbing. As disturbing as Stephen King’s It; Ergo, Benedict Cumberbatch is a perfect fit. At any rate, Clown Cumberbatch will haunt your dreams now. I’m sorry/You’re welcome.