Zooey Deschanel Saves Banned Books with Adorkable Charm

Every year, schools and parents across the county ban classic books for very misguided, mostly stupid reasons.

BUT, just by adding the quirky charm of Zooey Deschanel, we can change the book plots just enough to get them back in schools. Because castrated classic literature is still better than no literature at all.  Right?

The Giver

As Jonas and Gabriel travel by sled towards the warm-looking house, Zooey pops out of the front door with freshly baked cookies, wearing a quirky apron.  They ride back to the community on cute bicycles, and save everyone.  Books with happy endings rarely get banned.

The Scarlet Letter

While drunk, Zooey accidentally gets an unfortunate tattoo of the letter A. But after she cries for a few hours, she figures out a creative way to turn it into an adorable kitten!  The book is no longer banned, since now it is a cautionary tale against drinking and tattoos.

The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn

Zooey shows up and befriends Huck Finn and Jim. Every time anyone starts to say a certain, incredibly racist word, Zooey makes an adorable noise to bleep it out. Consequently, the book is  no longer banned.

To Kill A Mockingbird

Zooey takes over Atticus’ closing statement to the jury.  She’s so charming, they forget all about racism, and allow Tom Robinson to go free.  Everyone eats cookies, and makes crafts, and no one is ever racist again.

A Clockwork Orange

Zooey replaces all the slang in the book with her own quirky language.  No one has any idea what the book is about anymore, so it’s no longer banned.

How would Zooey Deschanel quirkily censor, err, save your favorite classic? Tell us in the comments!