Unless, of course, you’re a big Andy Martin fan and the long form birth certificate STILL hasn’t convinced you that President Obama wasn’t born in Kenya. Or, perhaps you’re hopeful that the Tea Party can be convinced to vote for a Gay Rights Activist, and thus you are hyped about Fred Karger? Or, maybe you miss the days when Gary Johnson was Governor of New Mexico and you’d like him to be Governor of America? Or, there’s always Jimmy McMillian, of the “Rent is Too Damn High” party.
Now that is a sentiment I can get behind. Can I get a show of hands if one of these guys is your pick for the 2012 election? How about if you’ve ever heard of any of them, ever?
No?
Hello??
Anyone?
Bueller?
No volunteers, eh? Maybe this is why the first debate of the Republican primary was so under-watched that even many of the most hardcore political obsessives didn’t know it was happening.
Only one of the declared candidates participated, Gary Johnson. To give you a sense of how well dear old Gary “Who IS that guy?” Johnson did, I give you Daily Beast commentator, Matt Lattimer’s only comment on Johnson:
“As for the man on stage identified as ‘Gary Johnson’: I fear I’ve already said too much. All I remember is that Bret Baier found him so inconsequential that he started to make fun of him.”
Open mocking of participants during supposedly serious political events is ALWAYS a good sign. Actually, that leads me to a BRILLIANT idea. Who would be WAY more interested in political debates if they let Jon Stewart moderate them all?
ME!!!
I know you’re all out their raising your hands in front of your computer screens. High five sisters. High. Five.
But I digress.
The only legitimate candidate to show up to this first round of debates was Tim Pawlenty. Poor choice, Tim. Poor choice. By all accounts, Tim should have owned the room and he totally didn’t. In fact, Gary Johnson reportedly outshone him. Yeah. The same guy who was getting mocked by Fox News commentators kind of smoked him. I believe that is one of the official signs of a Republican Candidate FAIL.
In fact, the whole night seemed to have been one big gift to Fail Blog. Why didn’t Fox cancel this debate until someone with any kind of hope of the White House was willing to admit they were running? Did the fact that the list of potential “legitimate candidates” included Donald Trump and Newt Gingrich convince them that they were actually being punked? Timing for a disastrously embarrassing display of also-rans couldn’t have been worse, since it was the same week that the Democratic candidate for the 2012 race went out and brought down the most notorious terrorist in the world. Not the best ever foot to start a presidential race on, guys.
*Note that this is my best guess. I’ve read about seven different articles on the subject and I am still not 100 percent sure who has declared and who hasn’t as of Tuesday, May 10. Which is probably a good indicator of how much comedy this three-ring circus we call the 2012 Republican Primaries will provide. Lots! Way to make a comediva’s job easy, RNC. I appreciate it!
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