You Know You’re Patient Zero If…
All good zombie apocalypses begin with an outbreak of some horrible, exotic disease … and that horrible disease begins with one sick, unlucky “patient zero.” How do you know if you’re the culprit who is going to bring down civilization as we know it?
If you exhibit any of the following symptoms, you might be patient zero:
Source: Dudespaper.com1. You cry during “The Walking Dead” when a zombie bites the dust.2. You can’t resist dancing along to Michael Jackson’s “Thriller.”
3. You apply far too much green eye shadow and think you look “way hot.”
4. Your pet hamster trembles at the sight of you.
5. You start ordering your hamburgers “still moo-ing.”
6. You ask your boyfriend to get rid of anything in his apartment that might be used as a melee weapon.7. You suddenly know all the lyrics to “Zombie” by The Cranberries.
8. You feel sexually aroused at the sight of a jelly doughnut.
9. You write depressing poetry about how the thought of Milla Jovovich hurts your soul.
10. You start having erotic dreams about neurosurgeons.
11. You’re gnawing on your pet hamster from #4 right now.
12. Your flesh is falling off your body, but you’re A-OK with it. Nothing a little more green eye shadow can’t enhance.
13. Your pet hamster has dived into your goldfish’s bowl and is feasting on his fish brains.
14. Your boyfriend just attacked you with an axe.
15. You and your zombie boyfriend have date night plans to wreak havoc on your local community. So, there you have it! If you answered “yes” to any of the above questions you might want to put the CDC on speed dial. Or, if you want to embrace your newly found zombiehood, put on your hottest dress, make sure your flesh is falling off in the sexiest way possible and go get yourself some braiiiiinnnnssss!
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