WWUD? (What Would A Unicorn Do?)

Let’s look at a few examples of difficult life moments where this comes in handy.

Scenario:  Your roommate flaked on paying the utility bills, even though you’ve been paying her half of the amount for the last four months.  Now your electricity is getting shut off.

You:  Flip out, threaten to take her to small claims court and ultimately un-friend her on Facebook and borrow money from your parents.

A Unicorn:  Creates its own electricity through a magical rainbow emitted from its horn.

Moral:  Be more self-sufficient and take responsibility or your problems.  Next time put the bill in your name.

Scenario:  You’ve been dating the same guy for three years, but he hasn’t so much as hinted at moving to “the next level” in your relationship.

You:  Passive-aggressively note how much he “loves” his PlayStation, but how that PlayStation never baked him muffins or massaged his back after a long day at work.

A Unicorn:  Intoxicates all those it meets with its sweet-smelling champagne and orange blossom scent, then delights them with a flight through the clouds.

Moral:  No one wants to be with someone who makes them feel chained down.  Focus on what you love about your boyfriend, and what makes you lovable.  He’ll see you for what you’re worth, and what he’s got to lose, instead of the freedom you’re “taking away” from him.

Scenario:  Your boss at work promised you a raise, but now is criticizing everything you do.

You:  Stress out over getting fired every day and forget about your raise, crawling into your shell like a little worm.

A Unicorn:  Soars into the sky, exploding into a starburst that reminds all those who see it of the dreams they had in their youth.

Moral:  Don’t forget that you are in control of your life.  You have a lot to offer, and just because your job gives you health insurance doesn’t mean that gives them the right to walk all over you.  Empower yourself by revising your resume and get onto monster.com.  You might find a better job, or at the very least, you’ll get yourself some bargaining leverage next time you’re getting bullied by your boss.

Scenario:  Your period is late.

You:  Freak the fuck out and pee on thirty wands a day.

A Unicorn:  Freaks the fuck out and pees on thirty wands a day.

Moral:  Pregnancy is scary for everyone, even mythical creatures.

I hope you’ve found this helpful, and next time you’re stuck in traffic, resisting the urge to flip off every jackass on the street, invoke the laughter of children, and imagine yourself lifting up, up and away…

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