Would You Rather Bang Sherlock or Moriarty?

But why is the show so successful? Could it be the stellar writing? Or the Arthur Conan Doyle summer-reading nostalgia factor? Nope. What, then, you say? Well, it’s elementary. Sex. Sticky, hot, sweaty, British sex. Yes, BBC’s Sherlock is so wildly popular because of all the smokin’ hot bods on the show.

Sure, on the surface all you might see are pale Europeans with ho-hum looks, some of whom slightly resemble the common otter. But when you listen to these sex gods speak complicated dialogue in English-y accents, you realize that you’re getting hot and bothered under your collector’s edition Monty Python blanket. It’s because smart is the new sexy.

Let’s take a closer look at our fine, libido-stroking Sherlockian specimens and rank them in order of f*ckability.

7. Andrew Scott (Jim Moriarty)

This little Irish morsel makes us want to take a big gulp of frothy Guinness just to cool down. His portrayal of genius villain Moriarty could almost turn us to the dark side…in bed.

6. Rupert Graves (Lestrade)

So you like ’em a tad more experienced, eh? That’s ok. We’ve got the silver fox for you. Lestrade is a police official (power is hot) who isn’t afraid to ask for help from Sherlock (he’s got his ego in check). Don’t you wanna call out “RUUUUUPERT” in the bedroom tonight?

5. Loo Brealey (Molly Hooper)

A hot ginger forensic pathologist? What could be more titillating? We want this soft-spoken minx to pitifully obsess over us, too.

4. Mark Gatiss (Mycroft Holmes)

Mycroft is ohh sooo naughty. It’s ok that he’s a bit older. With a bit of a receding hairline. He’s a bit dangerous, too! Plus, Mark Gatiss earns extra whet points for being one of the show’s creators and writers. They sure do grow ’em hot in BBC-land.

3. Benedict Cumberbatch (Sherlock Holmes)

Benedict Cumberbatch is quickly displacing Ryan Gosling as the new ‘It Boy.’  It’s no surprise, however. Has Ryan Gosling ever solved any murders while being adorably OCD? OCD is the new hot abs.

2. Lara Pulver (Irene Adler)

A Mensa-smart dominatrix? Say no more. Whip us, Irene Adler. Whip us with your wit (and your actual whip).

1. Martin Freeman (John Watson)

We can’t take our eyes off of the disarmingly huggable Martin Freeman. He’s the whole package. Not only is he Dr. Watson, he’ll also soon be Bilbo Baggins.  So, you know that Martin Freeman knows a thing or two in the sack. He’s been there and back again, after all! Sigh, where is the Lord of the Rings–Sherlock crossover porn when you need it?

Which of these hotties would you let study your pink? Scandalize your Belgravia? Hound your Baskerville?