So I figured that horrible dates come and go, but I was so very wrong. I can tell you that I have had some of the worst dates since my divorce; however, this one I am about to reveal is probably one of the top ten. I might even say it surpasses the one I went on who said Thor was his God and that he was waiting for the zombies to come. This is the same dude that said what would you like you for an appetizer and ordered it before I answered. Classy! Yea, that was a fun. Now please take me home. I would have rather had a Brazilian wax that day. It probably even beats the guy told me he hopes I die of cancer and proceeded to harass me throughout the night. Oh, did I mention this was before we even met because I said I was not interested based on our conversation? Yes, this is my life in the dating world. I thought I was being too picky or snobbish, but I realized it truly is not me based on other stories I hear. Dating has just drastically changed over the years. As in, I find it hard to find someone that I can stand for more than a week. Maybe because I have been married I am a bit more focused on not getting divorced again. Seems reasonable…
Awhile back I began talking with this guy from an online dating site that seemed on the up and up. He was charming and caring and we made each other laugh. We talked every day and had some really great conversations. He even helped me out with something for a friend. I felt this one could be something awesome…IF he stuck to the plan without doing any 180s. This is highly unlikely with my dating woos over the last six or so years.
So we finally planned the date to go out as I kept procrastinating. I go to the destination to meet and walk out of the subway. I get a call on my phone after several texts of where I was standing. You would have thought I was standing in New Jersey the way he was acting. I told him that I was right where I said I would be. After these argumentative texts he had the nerve to say if you would have done what I told you to do this would not make my life so hard right now. I didn’t know what to do, what to say, or which way to turn. All I knew is my Italian New York blood was boiling over. This is where the, “OH HELL NO” came in. Are you talking to me? Seriously! I know you are NOT saying this to me. What the f*ck. Who do you think you are? I can turn right around and go home because at this point I am not happy and annoyed. This proceeded to go on for about five minutes as I did not even let him speak.
Why I even continued this date in the snow is beyond me. The snow proceeded to come down very hard pelting me in the face. He asked me if I wanted to walk because it was only a couple of blocks away. A couple of blocks turned into a damn journey to Neverland. If this was a couple of block to him, I was curious how he was able to count to ten. When we reached the coffee place a year and a day later, I wanted to fall down to my knees and cry hysterically. I was freezing, wet, and could not feel my damn face. Who the hell wanted coffee? I wanted to go home and crawl into bed. As he proceeded to ask me what I wanted, I ended up paying. Why even ask if you expected me to pay? Good thing I did not forget my wallet. This was a HUGE turnoff that I added to the list titled “There will be no second date”. How do you ask someone out of coffee and not pay? I have never been on a date where they made me pay. This was a concept I was not accustomed to. I won’t lie.
As we sat down and I watched him eat while I drank my not so good coffee, I tried to say as interested as I could to be polite. I just kept dwelling on why I needed to walk through a snow storm in NYC to get a cup of coffee. If only I could somehow travel back in time and punch myself in the face for agreeing to this date, but how was I to know he would turn out to be such a gentlemen. Pfft! The conversation mostly consisted of him talking, which for those who know me, know that this date was over for me before it even began. I never shut up. This was one of those younger guys that you date that has a complex of some kind as they think they know everything. No matter what I said, he knew better or elaborated on it. He interrupted me before I even opened my mouth half the time. I wanted to stick a fork in my eye. This would have been better than my date. At least I would have gotten out of it when the ambulance came. No wonder this guy was single. Of course he claimed how it was always the other person. Yes, sure it was. She probably wanted to commit herself after a week. I couldn’t even last a few hours and I wanted to jump off a bridge. I tried to keep myself in check as it was hard to bite my lip. I actually let it out a few times. I felt as if I was sitting in front of a completely different person as more and more words came out of his mouth. I think if he spoke less or not at all he would probably find Ms. Right.
There was no stopping him as this date went on and on for what seemed like forever. He must have had some crazy, and I do mean crazy, notion that this date was going well. For me, the date was something like being on my cycle with really bad PMS. Hours later I praised GOD that we were leaving and I could finally go home, we again walked through an even more dangerous snow storm. This was just more icing on the cake. I walked at least ten feet behind him the entire time. I think he might have even forgotten I was there. Again…really? If he was going to try to win me over after that date, that was not the way. Not that I was surprised. I should have just called a cab or a sleigh. I was sure I was going to get pneumonia after this exciting adventure.
The funniest part of all of this was that he texted me when are we getting married. I almost fell off my bed. Really? I just let it all out at that point. You really think that date went well? Every pet peeve I have in this world he hit on the nose. This went on and on until he stopped texting and I never heard from him again. Note to self: Stay single…
OH HAPPY DAY!
Submitted by: Dana Jacoviello
