Think laundry is worse than the Temple of Ahn’Qira instance? Have your shelves not been dusted in ten months because you find that task so boring that you’d rather kill boars in the Eastern Plaguelands for a measly +1 XP? Does your pooch go smelly and unwashed while you level up your alchemy training in Shattrath City? If so, GRATZ: You’re a level 80 Domestic Procrastinator! The downside, however, is that rats are colonizing your apartment while you’re away in Azeroth.
Good news! You can use this Leeroy-Jenkins-approved method to turn everyday chores into challenging quests.
Follow these five easy steps and soon you’ll be earing XP in your very own, tailor-made, action-packed RPG.
Ash Karath!
Step One: Pick a Character
Choose from Lysol Knight (+5 Disinfectant Bonus), Pine-Sol Elf (+4 Degreasing Fortitude), Swiffer Paladin (+2 Mopping Accuracy), Scrubbing Bubbles Shaman (+6 Mildew Resistance), Downey Mage (+8 Fluff Cycle Integrity), or Fleabath Warlock (+10 Dander Control). Embrace your new identity by dressing appropriately in aprons and old sweatpants for added buff.
Step Two: Map Your Apartment
Look upon your domicile. To the left are the Furnaces of Stoveglade. To your right, the Misty Hills of Bathrend. Straight ahead lies Bedhaven Gulch. Beware murky pools of spilled Diet Coke acid! Watch out for random dishes left everywhere traps filled with moldly ravioli murlocs! Map your apartment wisely, thero’shan!
Step Three: Quests, Ho!
Competing each task awards you experience points, redeemable at the local quartermaster for some Darnassian bleu cheese doodles. (Everyone knows Darnassian cheese doodles are the best motivators.) As you begin, choose your quests wisely, so as not to run out of mana. Be careful, valiant one, for instead of bathing your dog, you’re “Subduing a Nether Ray.” Don’t mop the floors! Rather, “Slay some tile orcs.” And why fold laundry when you can “Prepare piles of tunics for the Darkmoon Faire?”
Step Four: Boss Fight
Bosses come in many forms. In terms of your open-world apartment, you are most likely to encounter “Doom Lord Tubclogger,” “Baron Silverpolish,” or “Highlord Groutscrub.” Don your +5 Latex Gloves of Valor, drink a potion of 5-Hour Energy, and begin your most fearsome raid.
Step Five: Dance
It’s always cathartic to get your groove on post-victory — in World of Warcraft or IRL…
Ande’thoras-ethil!
