Whole Foods Gangsta

Finally, I have found a moving piece of rap/hip-hop that speaks to me.  As an avid Whole Foods customer, it is hard to explain to other less-health-conscious (and let’s face it, poor) individuals the challenges that I overcome on my weekly trip to my local Whole Foods.

Personally, I don’t care for half-assed attempts at insincere diplomacy in the parking lot when fighting for a lone parking space.  My motto is, “Take no prisoners!” and that includes old ladies who can’t seem to pick up their walkers at a decent speed (try the 99 Cent Store next time, ma’am).  TO THOSE OLD LADIES WHO STAND BETWEEN ME AND MY CUPCAKE INGREDIENTS, I SAY, “SHUT UP, OR NUT UP!”  Of course, I’m referring to the hazelnut blend I use to give my cupcakes that extra kick.  To the girls in the yoga pants who can’t seem to bring themselves to politely move out of the way when I try to get by, I suggest … PULLING FROM YOUR REPERTOIRE OF YOGA POSES TO GET THE HELL OUT OF MY WAY … well, like I said, I take no prisoners.But of course, it is crucial to remember to be courteous to your fellow Whole Foods consumers, even if they do not extend the same common courtesy to you.  After all, we all drive the same eco-friendly cars and pay the same absurd amount of money for high-quality, masterly crafted cupcake sprinkles.  Hopefully, hazelnut cupcakes are an accepted apology-currency in the nursing home community.