I have not seen The Avengers. I can’t possibly be the only one too lazy to see it, so I’ve done my fellow non-comic book-geeks a favor and wrote my own take on The Avengers based on the trailers I watched on YouTube. Think of this as like a cheat sheet.
1. So, Samuel L. Jackson, plays this guy who wears an eye patch. He probably lost his eye in a superhero/crime fighting related accident. That kind of thing is probably very common when you hang out with superheroes as much as he seems to do.
2. Samuel seems to be like a girls scout leader who’s bringing together the best girl scouts on a special cookie-selling mission, except with super heroes. And instead of selling girl scout cookies, it’s saving The City. Or maybe the world? This movie seems to be set in a nondescript city with a ton of police men who are allowed to just point their guns in the air and shoot at stuff.
3. This special crew is made up of five superheroes. We got the handsome Captain America, a red-headed Scarlett Johannson in a tight black getup, Thor (not Brad Pitt), Robert Downey Jr. as Iron Man, and Mark Ruffalo, who for whatever reason is the Hulk.
4. It’s a pretty strange team. I have zero knowledge of origin stories and super hero stuff, so I have no idea what Captain America does. In comic book world, does America have a captain instead of a president? I have no clue.
5. Thor wears a cape and looks like he’d fit in really well in a wrestling match that involves costumes. He is powerless without his hammer. That whole concept seems like it’s a metaphor for something else. This guy is powerless without his “hammer.” Hm.
6. There are five Avengers but only one girl?? Where my lady superheroes at? Scarlett looks great and in the trailer she does a lot of fancy Charlie’s Angel’s like moves, but who she is and what she actually does isn’t really revealed in the trailer, but we DO know there are MANY expensive looking explosions. And that’s really all that matters.
7. Robert Downey Jr. is the comic relief of this film, and all films he’s ever been in. There are very few bits of Mark Ruffalo/Hulk in the trailer, and Mark has this permanently confused look on his face. It’s like he’s also wondering how he got from the set of 13 Going on 30 to the set of The Avengers.
8. The Avengers might not be able to protect the earth, but they sure will avenge it! (Actual quote from the trailer) From watching the trailer we know that the group fights amongst themselves before they can properly get to dealing with all of those explosions and whatever evil is destroying their city/world. The trailer doesn’t reveal much about the actual story, but I assume it has a fairly happy ending.
9. Here are some questions that this cheat sheet can’t answer, but watching the movie probably will:
-What exactly is the evil that they’re fighting?
-What’s the romance story line of this movie?
-Why do they let the Hulk climb up buildings if Thor and Iron Man can fly?
-What is everyone shooting at?
-What is going on?
I guess I’m just going to have to watch if I ever want to find out. Wait, before I watch The Avengers, should I go watch The Hulk, Captain America (is that a movie yet?) and Iron Man? I guess I know what I’m doing with my weekend.
This was pathetic and the poorest example of comedy I have ever seen. At no point was anything in this article remotely funny. It came off as just ignorant and trying to be funny.
This story is not funny, nor does it really have a point. It just seems to be words sprawled onto a page. I would have appreciated seeing something like a witty take on the subject matter from a person making assumptions based on a trailer, etc. An idea that has potential to be a parody or be satirical in some manner. I honestly just feel like this story was a waste of the reader’s time.
Thanks Lorne, all feedback is greatly appreciated.
This is not comedy. This is not even close to comedy. You clearly just found something that had to do with Joss Whedon and bullshitted your way through. With literal garbage such as what I just read, I have to wonder: why even write it at all? You had no point to make, no structure. Simply acting innocent/stupid is not a joke. You are the joke.