A disgustingly awesome waterlogged zombie:
And the hotness of Maggie Greene (Lauren Cohan):
However, overall, Rick and the gang’s time in their bucolic haven mostly consisted of endless discussion, retreaded drama, and insipid moral dilemmas, though I grant you they capped it off with a real barn-burner of a finale.
But, would things have been more exciting if our intrepid Z-Poc survivors had wandered onto another farm?
Schrute Farms
After heading north to Pennsylvania, Rick, Shane and Glenn follow the sounds of gunfire to a small beet farm. They arrive to the sight of a towering mass of undead with two post-apocalyptic warriors straight out of Mad Max standing triumphantly on top: Dwight and Mose Schrute!
Dwight threatens Rick with his shotgun/chainsaw until young Carl touches his heart and he decides to give the group shelter on his land. This is all a ruse.
Dwight slips Rick a poisoned beet and takes command of the group. His evil master plan is to claim Lori, Andrea, and the other women as his own, and repopulate the Earth with superior Schrute genetic stock. However, Mose betrays him after falling in love with Daryl, and tosses him in the root cellar along with Zombie-Jim, who feasts on his tormentor. Zombie-Dwight and Zombie-Jim are locked in an undead prank-war for all eternity!
Animal Farm
Having made their away across the Pond to escape the zombie hordes, Rick and Dale drive a double-decker London tour bus through the English countryside, avoiding undead punters. They find a seemingly-abandoned, yet well-maintained farm. While observing the farm, they spot a pack of dogs chasing down a pig. Daryl chases off the vicious mutts, and is shocked when the pig introduces himself as Snowball, and starts talking!
Rick, Dale, T-Dog and new addition, British Zombie Killer Shaun Riley, listen to the pig’s incredible tale of how the farm animals overthrew their human oppressors and kept the farm safe from walkers, but how his fellow swine, Napoleon, became mad with power and tried to use zombies as a slave labor force.
As Rick and Dale agonize over what to do next, Daryl comes walking back with two massive bundles of pork. He glares at everyone scornfully and offers up bacon for breakfast!
The Corn Field from Field of Dreams and Children of the Corn
In Iowa, our favorite non-zombies find a baseball diamond hidden in a corn field, along with the corpse of Kevin Costner’s career. Driven by a bizarre compulsion to “build it,” they all start cleaning up the baseball field while Daryl whittles baseball bats.
As they start to play a game, the undead begin streaming from the corn rows and take up positions. After a rousing few innings, a young boy preacher, dressed all in black, emerges from the corn and raises his arms up to the heavens. “You have angered He Who Walks Behind the Rows! Feel his wrath!”
Daryl shoots him with an arrow. The zombies won, 6-4.
Bristol Farms
After traveling across the continent and arriving in Los Angeles, Rick and the crew head over to Hollywood and Vine to see the sights. After being attacked by a herd of undead tourists, they take shelter in a mansion, only to find a zombified Bill Murray, who eats a starstruck Rick (huuuuge Ghostbusters fan).
Hershel takes command and they follow a filthy tourist map to an oasis from the chaos that has consumed Hollywoodland. A place in California that used to combine the service and food quality of a corner grocer, butcher and baker with the theatre of Harrods in London. A farm! …well, kind of a farm. Well, actually, more like a chain of upscale grocery stores: Bristol Farms!
After clearing out the mindless hordes of fur-wearing, botoxed ladies with yappy dogs … and some zombies — Hershel sits back, sips his martini and chomps on his delectable foie gras.
And we have a winner! In case of zombie apocalypse, head to Bristol Farms! Duck liver for all!
