In college, when one is poor, stressed, and living on a diet of ramen and apples, one often has to take drastic measures to get his or her drink on. This guide will help you combine the bottom shelf booze sitting on top of your fridge with the measly contents inside. These recipes will also come in handy when you’ve graduated and are unemployed.
Cosmo
2 oz Vodka (measure by counting to 2 as you pour)
2 Otter Pops or Fla-Vor0-Ices
Melt Otterpops by running them under hot water while still in the wrapper. Otterpops are better than regular popsicles because their juice is more concentrated, and each Otterpop is 1 oz for easy measuring. Pour Otterpop juice into red cup and add vodka. Gin works as well. Add ice…or don’t.
Bloody Mary
2 oz Vodka
25 ketchup packets (.32 oz each)
2-4 dashes Tabasco sauce (or ‘rooster sauce’)
Pepper and salt
Steal a bunch of ketchup packets from the cafeteria, squeeze them in a cup, and add vodka. If still too thick, add some water or lemon juice if you happen to have that on hand. Add Tabasco sauce and season to taste. Hair of the dog’s best friend.
White Russian
2 oz Vodka
1 oz Coffee
Milk or coffee creamer
This is a great recipe for using that coffee you left in the pot when you were late for class that morning. Bottom of the pot, 12-hour-old coffee is the best, because it has become more flavorful and concentrated. Mix room temperature coffee with vodka, and top off with milk or coffee creamer. Add ice if at all possible, or stick in freezer for a few minutes.
Adios Mother Fucker
Blue Powerade
Everything on top of your fridge
Mix. Make bad choices.
Everclear
2 oz Everclear
Nothing makes this taste good. Just drink it straight, and get ready to chug a lot of chaser.
Sangria
Vodka
Boxed Wine
Orange soda
Fruit cocktail from cafeteria
This is great to make for a large party, or right before finals with a couple friends. Find some sort of bowl or large pot. Fill ¼ of the container with vodka. Then another ¼ with orange soda. Top off the 2nd half with the boxed wine. Strain fruit cocktail and throw that in too. Add ice or stick in freezer.
Margarita
Frozen cans of Limeade
Handle of Tequila
Handle of Vodka
6 pack of Corona
This is also called Swamp Water if you want to be quaint about it. It is best to make in a pitcher, and keep in your fridge to drink between classes or for breakfast. Make Limeade, but use only half the amount of water the can recommends. Pour in tequila, vodka and Corona. Rim your red cup with salt by wetting the rim with a lime, towel or sponge and sticking it on a plate covered in salt. (Remember to do this before pouring your drink.) Drink. Call in sick the next morning.
Mystery Brunch
Everything liquid in your fridge
Everything liquid on top of your fridge
Mix. Die a little inside.
And remember folks, please drink responsibly. But if you don’t, you’ll have better stories.
