But before Snooki pops out a Jionni Junior, she needs to be prepared for childrearing, Jersey-Shore style.
Here are the top ten gifts for Snooki’s baby shower!
Leopard Print Diapers
It goes without saying that the fruit of Snooki’s loins will be bedecked in all variety of garish baby accouterments. What better way to say, “I’m a product of the Jersey Shore!” than by boasting a bum festooned in animal print!
Rhinestone-Encrusted Breast Pump
Snooki will soon be breastfeeding rather than fist pumping — and she can do it in style with a custom-crafted, bejeweled breast pump. Nothing screams Seaside Heights quite like lactating into a glittery breastshield.
Pauly D’s Lullaby Album
It’s only a matter of time before Pauly D remixes his debut track “Beat Dat Beat” into a calming cradlesong. “Sleep Dat Sleep” could be next generation’s “Brahms’ Lullaby.”
Clothing from The Shore Store Screen Printed with Mildly Inappropriate Sayings
We know what Snooki’s former boss Danny will be bringing to the baby shower.
Coupon for One Free Paternity Test
While fiancé Jionni LaValle seems keen on taking credit for Snooki’s situation, could the real father be none other than… The Situation? What about Vinny? We know Snooks and Vin have “gotten in it.” Yes, there’s only one way to know who Pops really is: Hooray for DNA!
Club Karma Baby Mobile
Unfortunately, Snooki won’t be spending too much time at Club Karma any time soon. At least she can recreate the experience for her tyke with a decorative, movable diorama, complete with little cutout dancers, a tiny disco ball, and a mini cardboard DJ stand.
Multiple Crocodillies
Snooki isn’t liable to share her famous stuffed croc. Nor is the toy clean enough for an infant; we’ve seen where that thing’s been! So, Snooki’s kiddo will need a brand new Crocodilly all its own.
Tinted Stretch Mark Cream
Pregnancy comes with some unpleasant side effects. Snooki will want to prevent stretch marks while maintaining her distinctive tan. Kill two birds with one stone with a creamy, tinted, nourishing moisturizer!
Baby’s First Fist Pump Keepsake Kit
Even more important than a baby’s first steps is a baby’s first fist pump, at least where Jersey Shore kiddos are concerned. Snooki can use this clay imprint kit to forever capture her tot’s first iconic guido gesture.
A Case of Pickles
Snooki’s propensity for pounding pickle juice is practically as famous as she is. Also, everyone knows that pregnant women often crave pickles. This means that Snooki will be ravenously devouring pickles-upon-pickles for the next couple of trimesters. Time to raid the Claussen warehouse!
There ya have it! Ten ways to solve a pregnant meatball’s problems!
