There are many a stereotype attached to lesbianism [ie cat-parenting, flannel-wearing, lumberjacking], but one that seems to continue to rage on regardless of its outdatedness is that of turkey baster-using.
It’s well known two uteri can’t [naturally] make a baby, and for years people assumed the only way to get the magic baby-making catalyst into a human beaker was with the help of the conveniently shaped and functional baster. But, even with modern advancements, people can’t quite dissociate the cooking tool from lady-on-lady family planning.
And why should they? Lesbians the world over, like myself, have a natural affinity for the meat-sauce gun anyhow.
Surprised? Here’s why you shouldn’t be:
1. We Love Eating Outdoors
Seriously, though. Grilling, picnicking — eating outdoors is pretty much our thing. Moreover, we love our meat super moist. There’s nothing worse than some dry meat. Dry meat is the mark of a really amateur grillist. Or someone who’s way too impatient and jumped the gun by chomping into that meat too soon. Gotta baste that ish and patiently wait until it’s good and moist and flavorful before serving it.
Straight people might be a little shocked by this — aren’t most lesbians vegetarians? Mayhaps. But one thing’s for sure: we know how to baste.
2. Makeshift Waterguns
Like all human beings, lesbians get bored. And like all bored human beings, when we can’t think of anything to do, we turn to the weird and random for some jollies. Maybe it’s something we haven’t done in ages, or don’t normally get to do, like squirting people? I mean, chances are, if you’re around my age, you don’t own a set of actual super-soakers ready for a showdown. And you haven’t properly squirted or been squirted by someone since those college days, when you and your dorm-mates experimented with various social activities.
3. Arts & Crafts
Lesbians are crafty. Love for painting and sculpting and guitar-playing and carpentering means we’re good with our hands. And we’re always open to using different, sometimes unexpected tools to give a project that extra umph. As it turns out, turkey basters make excellent additions to the toy box.
4. Pancakes
If there’s one thing lesbians love, it’s pancakes. We just really liked rounder shapes — they’re aesthetically pleasing to the lesbian eye. But getting a perfectly round pancake is a challenge for most; fortunately, the easy fix is using the turkey baster to squeeze out that perfectly circular pancake.
5. Plants
Two words: Mother Gaia.
