Top 5 Camp Counselors You’d Like to Bang

1. Survivalist Nature Guy:

This guy is an expert animal tracker, can identify edible and poisonous plants with his eyes closed, and cooks a mean batch of hobo dinners from just a couple of rocks and a moldy radish.  So what if he keeps a pet squirrel on his shoulder at all times?  He smells like a mix of compost, butane, and week-old sweat … and that just does it for you.  You sure wouldn’t mind spending a long night “orienteering” under the stars with this guy.  With all the sparks flying between you two, who needs a flint to start a fire?

2. The Weird-But-Weirdly-Hot Foreigner:

He’s from some country you’ve never heard of, has a name you can’t pronounce, and always tries to get the kids to play cricket instead of dodgeball.  Yet, you’re enamored by his worldliness, lack of concern for personal space, and dedication to the metric system.  This is a chap you would totally cover in Marmite and gladly let stamp your sexual passport.

3. The Arts ‘N Crafts Guru:

There’s just something crazy attractive about a guy who can build a bitchin’ birdhouse.  You can’t figure out which is hotter: his papermaking skills, lanyard weaving abilities, or the careful way he dips his candle.  At any rate, the arts ‘n crafts guru is a hundred degrees hotter than his kiln.  Don’t you want to know what color friendship-with-benefits bracelet he’d make you?

4. The Lusty Lakefront Lifeguard:

This one’s a no-brainer.  The lusty lakefront lifeguard is
king of his icy-cold, watery domain — and that’s just kinda sexy.  With his sun-bleached hair and general disregard for shirt-wearing, the lusty lakefront lifeguard is always popular with the girls.  “No Running!” — unless it’s into his tan embrace.

5. The Soulful Hippie / Archery Instructor:

He’s never without his guitar.  He writes non-rhyming poetry.  He cries freely.  His clothes are made from hemp.  For some curious reason, he’s also the archery instructor — could it be because the archery range is a good place to toke up and play some Phish in peace and quiet from the kiddos?  If you’re lucky, the soulful hippie will write you a song, bake you some special brownies, and invite you and your “tambourine” to the archery range for target practice.

Which camp counselor type do you think belongs on this list?

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About the author

Kristen Bobst is a grade-A comedy writer, an unstoppable sock puppeteer, and the world's foremost whimsy aficionado. She certainly believes the meaning of life really is 42; and right now Kristen is really into The Carrie Diaries. Comediva. Where the funny girls are.

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2 comments

  1. Lady Estrogen

    Ohh… since I’m a artsy nerd but was also a lifeguard, so it would have been a toss up between the two. Would have probably have come down to who was willing to put out.

  2. Linda

    I never went to summer camp. I totally missed out. But I did grow up wishing I could go to the Catskill Mountains and meet and fall in love with Johnny and do a fabulous final dance number. Yes, you guessed it, No. 1 Dirty Dancing fan of all time here.

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