Well everyone, Banksy’s NYC residency is officially over and he’s disappeared back into the streets of London. That or he’s shed his human form to return to the waters of the Atlantic where he swims amongst the angler fish, his scaled body gliding effortlessly as he migrates south for the winter. What I’m saying is that Banksy may or may not actually be a fish. The truth is NOBODY REALLY KNOWS FOR SURE, DO THEY?
Either way, it’s been a very exciting month. From spray painted walls in SOHO to an art installation involving a car full of creepy-ass stuffed animals; ART HAS BEEN HAPPENING, GUYS.
However, the real story is that while Banksy’s been distracting you with some ironic street art, he’s actually been in his super secret “Banksy Lair” cooking up some much more elaborate, much more secret projects. Thankfully, I know a guy that knows a guy that knows a fish so today I bring you…
THE TOP 3 TOP SECRET BANKSY PROJECTS (SHHH!)
1. The Shutdown
And you thought it was the Republicans all along. You done been PUNKED, son. “The Shutdown” was just a very elaborate political performance art piece brought to you by the one and only Banksy. By assembling a bag of old coke cans, hair from 3 small Indian children and 2 lbs of lead paint to construct the “man” we know as “Ted Cruz” ™, Banksy says he was trying to “highlight the fall of Modern American Capitalism” and also “experiment with acrylics.”
2. Thanksgivukkah (Thanksgiving + Hanukkah)
And you thought it was just because the Jewish calendar is slowly getting out of sync with the solar calendar resulting in an event that won’t happen again until the year 2146. WELL, YOU’VE JUST BEEN PUNKED AGAIN. “Thanksgivukkah” is actually an 8-day long art installation created by Banksy and a team of over 20 underground street artists. Some experts say it’s meant to “illustrate the intersection between the suffering of the Native Americans and the Russian-Ukranian Pogroms of 1819.” All we know for sure is that the piece will involve 40 pugs dressed as turkeys, a canoe filled with ornamental maize, and 25 Jewish grandmothers from Boca Raton, FL, holding hands and singing “Sunrise, Sunset” on loop for the entire 8 day period.
3. Miley Cyrus 2.0
And you thought, “Wait, okay, I could get behind Ted Cruz being a giant bag of coke cans and lead paint. But I know for SURE that Miley Cyrus is an actual human being because ‘Hannah Montana’ was a REAL SHOW that I secretly enjoyed in my youth.” Well, I hate to say it but, “Yes, my friend. You’ve been fooled once again.” The truth is, former tween star Miley Cryus has actually been living as part of an FLDS cult in the deserts of Nevada since 2007. The twerking woman-child that wowed audiences at the 2013 VMA’s is none other than a trick of the eye, constructed by Mr. Banksy himself, using 20 LED mirrors, a giant projection screen, and a crew of 100 skilled electricians.
Well, kids, “the cat’s out the bag.” Of course, there are many more secret Banksy projects under way as we speak, but let’s let our fish-friend swim far enough south before we speculate any further.
