Allison the Astraeus Astronaut Is Eaten by an Astrodon
So, where did the Astraeus disappear to? It turns out that a computer glitch forced the spaceship to jump back in time to the Cretaceous Period where Allison Blake is mostly eaten by a mentally challenged Astrodon who mistakes her for a delicious fern. The rest of the Astraeus mission is pulled forward in time to safety through a wormhole created by Wil Wheaton’s Dr. Isaac Parrish.
Carter Rebounds with Felicia Day
Carter is distressed about Allison’s death for an inappropriately short amount of time — up until the last ten minutes of season five’s first episode where gets schwasted on rum-spiked Vinspressos at Café Diem. On his drunken stumble home, he runs into a flustered Dr. Holly Marten. She reveals that she’s always had feelings for Carter. Overtaken by grief a thing for redheads, Carter bangs her right there in the street. For the next few episodes, Carter and Holly are inseparable — which angers one Douglas Fargo.
Fargo Goes Apeshit and Releases a Plague of Exceptionally Evil Nanoids
Heartbroken and just plain mad, Fargo finally cracks. In order to punish Carter, Holly, and indeed the whole of Global Dynamics, he reprograms a fleet of nanoids, setting them to “kill mode.” Unfortunately for Fargo, while the evil nano-robots devour Zane, Deputy Andy, and a few other redshirts, Carter and Holly remain unscathed. Completely at wit’s end, Fargo decides to up and leave town in order to pursue a career as a custom bobblehead sculptor on the Venice Beach boardwalk.
Jo and Taggart Get Married, Nerd Style
In a wedding episode that will put the Rostenkowski/Wolowitz Big Bang Theory nuptials to shame, Jo (who has returned to Eureka because she can’t get enough of Taggart’s sweet lovin’), plans the most hardcore geek wedding that will take place on a hovering platform in the atrium of Global Dynamics. Lojack the dog is the ring bearer; Taggart wears traditional aboriginal attire; and a holographic band plays Beethoven’s “Ode to Joy.” Fun is had by all until Zombie Allison starts gnawing on the guests.
Eureka Succumbs to a Hybrid Zombie-Clone-Robo-Dino Apocalypse
After Isaac Parrish pulls a half-eaten Allison Blake through the wormhole — along with a few dinosaurs — he plots to win a Nobel Prize by reanimating GD’s former chairwoman. Parrish also engineers a hybrid robot/dinosaur because what else possesses the fuel efficiency of Prius and the maneuverability of a Segway? However, he only succeeds in creating several Zombie Allisons and one nasty mechasaur, which overrun Eureka during the wedding. Carter — and everyone but Jo — dies in a valiant last stand on the steps of Global Dynamics. The final shot of the series showcases the robot-dinosaur leading the zombies out of Eureka city limits, to wreak havoc on the world.
Perhaps, if we are lucky, Syfy will create a spinoff series: Jo Taggart, Zombie Huntress.
How do you think Eureka should end?
