With Marvel’s brand new S.H.I.E.L.D. television series, Our Hero Joss Whedon is heading back to TV! You know what that means: lots of fatal females, sarcastic superheroes and your favorite characters dying agonizing, heart-wrenching deaths! Or so we at Comediva hope (and, don’t lie, you do, too). Let’s while away the time ’til the pilot airs by taking a look at all the things we desperately want to see in Whedon’s latest series.
Girl Power!
We want to see ladies taking names and kicking ass, and then hauling those who got their asses kicked in front of, like, Agent Maria Hill for some more ass-kicking and a couple of more rounds of taking names, and then a really delicate-looking girl in a pretty sundress turns out to be the best fighter of the group and takes names while kicking ass, and then they all fly off in the Helicarrier together and quip about relationships. Hey, speaking of Maria Hill…
A How I Met Your Mother / S.H.I.E.L.D. crossover!
Come on Whedon, you’ve already got Cobie Smulders as Agent Hill — you’re halfway there! And who doesn’t want to see Neil Patrick Harris on the Helicarrier? Monsters, that’s who.
You know who else we want to see on the Helicarrier?
Agent Phil Coulson
You know how they say when you love something you’ve got to let it go, and if it comes back then it’s meant to be? Well Coulson died in “Avengers,” the show is set after the film and somehow he’s starring in it — so officially this is true love. We want to see Coulson in command, Coulson cracking jokes, Coulson trying to clean the blood off his Captain America trading cards. Actually, you know what we want to see more than one Coulson?
An Army of Agent Coulsons
Because one isn’t enough. You know you agree with us.
Evidence That S.H.I.E.L.D. Is Actually a Backdoor Pilot for a New Firefly Series
Think about it: the first episode could introduce a rogue team of S.H.I.E.L.D. sanctioned smugglers led by Nathan Fillion. Then the next episode would be about their adventures in a spaceship, and then it’s the future and the show just turns out to be Firefly. And while we’re at it:
A Dr. Horrible Cameo!
Come on Whedon, you’ve already got Neil Patrick Harris in that “HIMYM” crossover we just made up — you’re halfway there! Up the ante, put some gloves and goggles on the man, and by the way…
Let’s Have a Musical Episode!
Singing Agents! Dancing super-villains! Musical numbers that will inspire fan sing-a-longs at conventions that last way longer than the show ever did!
Obligatory Appearances by the Avengers Actors
If Joss Whedon casts you once it means he’ll never stop casting you, so let’s use that to force Robert Downey Jr., Chris Hemsworth, Mark Ruffalo, Scarlett Johansson, Samuel L. Jackson and Chris Evans into guest appearances! Hulk can get his butt kicked by that delicate girl in the sundress! Captain America and Coulson can talk about how it’s weird he’s not dead anymore! Nick Fury discovers snakes on the Helicarrier! And last but not least, we most certainly want to see:
A Horrible, Tragic Death for the Character You Loved the Most
But not Agent Coulson. He lives forever, the end.
