1. Fountains.
They only spit water and they were never alive. Boom, roasted.
2. Regular beer cozies.
They’re made of creepy, spongy material. No mystery in where the squirrel material came from.
3. Uncozied-beer.
It gets all warm from your hand and that’s gross. Keep that shit locked up cold and tight in a squirrel carcass.
4. Sobriety.
Boo (unless it’s court ordered or you’re Rob Lowe. Then it’s probs for the best).
5. The term ‘beer cozies.’
I hate it. Let’s change it to “Kick-Ass Squirrel Beer Holders”
6. Knock off Kick-Ass Squirrel Beer Holders.
That was never a real squirrel, you’re not fooling anyone.
7. Beer in a glass.
Who do you think you are, the Queen of England?! In a bottle is fine, grow up.
8. PETA.
Just kidding! Please don’t protest.
9. Live Squirrels.
What have they ever done for your beer?
10. Batman Costumes.
Ok, never mind. That’s just as cool.
****
