5 Worst Types of College Roommates

1.  Naked Roomie 

Due to either moral bankruptcy or her free spirit, or both, this breed of roomie simply can’t appreciate the value of a good modest, opaque, clothing garment. This type of roomie prefers nudity at all times, and treats your apartment as a bare-bottomed utopia. You may notice an increase in pedestrian traffic past your bedroom window, as your roomie tends to “accidentally” flash passersby quite often. Other symptoms of a Naked Roomie include a lack of standards in choosing who she brings home (i.e. the guy in the blue pleather pants), as well as a lack of regard for those in earshot while she has her naked way with her new friends. Be wary of who you have over, as your Naked Roomie will probably be … naked.

2.  ADD Roomie 

Does your roommate have post-it notes on the wall that say things like “Brush Teeth” and “Go to Class” because she can’t remember to complete everyday tasks? Have you ever had to rush her to the emergency room because she couldn’t wait until poultry was fully cooked before eating it? Has your roomie ever jolted awake from her slumber to proclaim some great idea about buying a special torch so that “you guys can make crème brulee the REAL way”? Do you sometimes find yourself secretly lacing your roomie’s cereal with Adderall in hopes of finding a moment of peace and quiet? You have an ADD roomie. We’re sorry. You may want to baby-proof electrical outlets and sharp edges around your apartment, just to be safe. Buy her a Jazzercise video to tire her out. Keep art supplies handy for when she’s really bouncing off the walls and needs an extra special activity. 

3.  Nerd Roomie 

If your roomie is majoring in Biology, Physics, or some other science that you can’t define, she’s probably a Nerd Roomie. A Nerd Roomie is the kind of girl that eats steel cut-oatmeal and multivitamins for breakfast. She may often complain of a tension headache. Your Nerd Roomie might employ her lab goggles for other purposes, such as chopping onions, or to just “get in the mood” for studying. If you drag your Nerd Roomie out at night, she might try to pick up guys by offering free tutoring. Just remember, it’s all she knows. Try to bring your Nerd Roomie out of her shell by hosting a Harry Potter-themed party, complete with butterbeer and elderflower wine. She’ll have a ball and maybe even land a cute Geek Guy. 

4.  Gross Roomie 

Do all of your roomie’s belongings hold a uniform odor of sweaty feet and stale BBQ chips? Does she sometimes wake up with a Pastrami Sandwich melded to her face after a hard night of partying? Does she leave toenail clippings on the coffee table? Can you not remember your roomie ever, never, not once, doing laundry? All of these things are gross. Your roomie is gross. Try persuading her to take a shower by repeatedly announcing how rejuvenating yours was. This should work eventually, unless she decides to experiment with dreads, and subsequently showers even less.



5.  Alien Roomie a“Dude! Are we gonna rage this weekend?!”

If your roomie sometimes seems like she came from another planet, she may have. Ask yourself these simple questions to determine if, in fact, you are living with an Alien: Does your roomie have unusual eating habits? Is your roomie sensitive to ultraviolet light? Does your roomie have a big, bulbous head and tiny little body with no visible skeletal structure? Do you sometimes feel like your brain has been sucked dry and you forget what happened in the past 15 minutes? Does your roomie uncannily resemble Justin Bieber? If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, report your sighting. You have an Alien Roomie.

Did your roommate make the list? Tell us which type of roomie you have, or share your own roomie advice, in the comments below!