The Long-Term Effects of Getting Slimed by Nickelodeon

Remember You Can’t Do That on Television, Double Dare, and What Would You Do?  They were some of the best kids’ game shows of the ’90s.  Nickelodeon’s own brand of viscous goo — pedestrianly dubbed “slime” — was the trademark feature on those shows.  Ever wondered what happened to the celebrated hosts and beloved contestants who were slimed on a regular basis?  Did they have any idea what the long-term effects that slime would have on their psyches?   It turns out that Nickelodeon sliming is both a gift and a curse!

We tracked down two of the best-known stars of these ’90s hits, Marc Summers and Alanis Morissette, to see if their time under the slime sprinklers had any lasting effects.

Marc Summers

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Marc Summers hosted two of the most infamous Nickelodeon shows: What Would You Do? and Double Dare.   His frequent exposure to slime engendered his obsessive-compulsive need to find the “slime” in anything, anywhere, anyhow.  This urge led him to The Food Network’s Unwrapped, a show in which Marc tries to find the gooey center in snack foods.  Yes, he’s still searching for slime, suffering from a full-blown addiction that both confectioners and psychoanalysts refer to as “ectoplasmic disorder.”   Unfortunately for every ’90s kid’s favorite TV host, there is no cure for this pernicious yet poorly documented disease.  Most likely Mr. Summers will live out his days searching for the perfect slime to fill the void in his soft, gooey center.

Alanis Morissette

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Yes, Alanis Morissette got her start on the Canadian program You Can’t Do That on Television which was originally titled You Can’t Do That on Television, Eh.  In a classic “Blame Canada” scenario, it is reasonable to conclude that the Great White North is responsible for the slimy green scourge that defines Nickelodeon’s twentieth century fin de siècle television popularity.  So, how did getting slimed as a teen affect Ms. Morissette?  Her entire career singing songs of irony and woe are inspired by her deep-seated feelings of demoralization after being globbed with green goo; such things will take a toll on one’s anima.  

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You can see evidence of this damage in the lyrics of “You Learn,” which go something like this, “I’m free but/ I’m focused/ I’m green but I’m wise/ I’m hard but I’m friendly, baby/I’m sad but I’m laughing/I’m brave but I’m chickenshit/ I’m sick but I’m pretty, baby.”   The phrase “I’m green” is a clear reference to the slime she was doused with as a youth.   “I’m sad but I’m laughing…” describes both the internal and external states that anyone who is being embarrassed on national TV experiences; you must laugh for the cameras while dying inside.   For Alanis, being slimed might have been the best — albeit stickiest — thing that ever happened to her.  Without her formative slime experiences, we might not have the seven pop albums she went on to write and record, post-slime!

It is relevant to note that Nickelodeon’s iconic “Slime Geyser,” which formerly occupied a prime location on the Nickelodeon Studios campus, was removed in May of 2005, most likely a result of the nanowhimsical psychosocial side effects that occurred secondary to anyone’s exposure to the green stuff.

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