Surely, Sexiness and Badassness made up the criteria by which the final product was measured.
And to give you a better idea of those criteria, here are the Top 6 Dragons You Should Stay Sober Enough To Avoid Being Inked With:
6. Trogdor, Strong Bad Emails
True, The Burninator takes no prisoners when it comes to burninating the countryside, and burninating all the peasants; however, one thing this stick-figured, beefy-armed, majestic beast won’t be burninating is the action in your pants. Get caught with this one and sexytime will bring about way more gigglesnorting. Than usual. Moreover, your arch-nemesis might assume that overly beefy arm’s compensating for something.
5. Albi the Racist Dragon, Flight of the Conchords
In the Marmalade Forest, between the make-believe trees, in a cottage cheese cottage, lives Albi the Racist Dragon! And that’s where he belongs. Were a criminal to catch a glimpse of Albi while getting their ass kicked by you, many questions would be raised. The most likely of which being “What does this say about my ass-kicker? Does she cry jelly bean tears and eat bubblegum pie?” Nobody’s afraid of a jelly-bean-crying, bubblegum-pie-eating douche. Your reputation would be shot and you’d be cast out from society, just like Albi.
4. Mushu, Mulan
This pint-sized smooth-talker with a chip on his shoulder may have been our favorite Disney chick’s coach and crutch, and, sure, we could talk all day about the importance of “inner-strength” and “character,” but doing so would just negate the sole purpose of having a dragon tat: intimidating and/or arousing whoever’s unlucky or lucky enough to come face to face with it, during a roundhouse kick or an impressive showing of contortion.
“Look! It’s your ass-kicker! And she’s uh-TOO happy to see you.”
3. Falkor, The Neverending Story
Seriously, though. Is Falkor even a dragon? He looks more like a ginormous puppy. And unless your method of obliterating the enemy includes luring them in with snuggles and sweet kisses, you’d best steer clear of this too-furry, cuddle-buddy non-stop flight to The Friend Zone.
2. Donkey’s Donkey-Dragon Babies, Shrek 2
Don’t get me wrong: I’m all for interracial coupling, and I’ve got all sorts of mad Hapa pride, but as much as I love the waffle-eating sidekick, finding this one on a lady — on any part of any lady — would just about be the ultimate lady-boner kill. Ladies. It might say, “I appreciate creatures of all forms! Yay, diversity!” but using social politics as a premise for dirty talk requires way too much brain-work. Let’s keep the work downtown, shall we?
1. Daenerys Targaryen, Game of Thrones
The Dragon Queen, herself! Tats of faces are big no-nos, period, but this one in particular might say way too much about what you do during your off-time. Too much TV? Too much private-time “appreciation” of scantily clad, mildly nutso queens? Leave the fantasy for the role-playing, and the regality for the epic beatdowns of villains everywhere.
