Hullo, felines, ladies, and gentlemen! This week’s pick of mine may not have anything to do with kitties, but it does have plenty to do with my other favorite warm and fuzzy friend [sometimes]: love!When The Office girls — under the pseudonym Subtle Sexuality — set out to make a silly music video about the woes of the girl next door, they did more than just make Skittles and me giggle: they reached in and gave my soul a voice.
Kelly Kapoor’s sad story of being left for a prideful, scarlet woman takes me back to the days of yore (but not too yore!), when those tinglings in my heart that fairy tales told me were love went unnoticed (I’m talking to you, Bobby Fillinger!). I thought I might die of a broken heart, too, but then my Yamama said those tinglings were just Satan’s way of tempting away my chasteness.And after a few summers at Jesus Camp and 10 years of homeschooling (my Yamama made me repeat a couple of grades on account of my evolutionist phase), I set out in the world knowing that Skittles was the only person I truly loved, and who truly loved me back.
But sometimes I still wonder — especially since I’m sure I’ve met The [Human] One. And even though he has his own scarlet woman, and even though Kelly meets an untimely end, I still have hope that that certain special someone out there will see this and wise up and leave that — to borrow a word from Shirley — “harlot” (okay, I couldn’t say what Shirley really said).
John Fulton [and presumed “harlot”], this is for you.
