Science fiction movies are traditionally full of aliens, evil robots, matrixes, cool weapons, and various apocalypses…
But do you know what else science fiction movies are notorious for? Sticky-sweaty-sultry subtext.
Here are the top ten naughtiest quotations from your favorite science fiction films, complete with innuendo!
“Live long and prosper” – Spock, Star Trek
Subtext: Bonk around a lot and you’ll enjoy life much, much more. Trust me. I know these things. What do you think pon farr is all about, anyway? Sheesh, people, get with the program. I’m a Vulcan, not a nun!
“There is no spoon?” – Neo, The Matrix
Subtext: Wait, what? I am so confused. When do I get to bang Trinity? Not till the next movie? Ah, f*ck, this is going to be a long trilogy.
“Negative, I am a meat popsicle.” – Korben Dallas, The Fifth Element
Subtext: Only a beefy alpha male could pull off this tight, orange, rubber tank top. I’m a manly man and I know you want to taste me.
“He who controls the Spice, controls the universe!” – Baron Harkonnen, Dune
Subtext: By Spice, of course, I mean Viagra. Why do you think the Fremen have glowing blue eyes. Little blue pill equals shiny blue peepers.
“Do…or do not. There is no try.” – Yoda, The Empire Strikes Back
Subtext: Like this it is. When f*cking some hot piece of ass you are, and “Make me see the stars, Jedi Master!” she exclaims — But not really feeling it you are, because released your Force five minutes ago you did — That’s when man up you shall — And with your garbage worm satisfy her sarlacc you must!
“Gort! Klaatu barada nikto!” – Helen, The Day the Earth Stood Still
Subtext: Oh, Gort, you’re a sexy robot. How about you, me, and Klaatu have a robo-alien-human threesome? It would also really turn me on if you didn’t destroy Earth.
“You can’t stop the signal, Mal. Everything goes somewhere, and I go everywhere.” – Mr. Universe, Serenity
Subtext: It doesn’t matter that FOX cancelled the show; randy nerds will be acting out Firefly fantasies in the bedroom for ages to come.
“E.T. phone home.” E.T., – E.T.: The Extra-Terrestrial
Subtext: E.T. so horny. E.T. need sex line. E.T. tired of PG-rating. E.T. want to get rocks off back on home planet with other sexy E.T. E.T. usually only enjoy Reese’s Pieces post-coital. E.T. need poon.
“You’ve gotta tell them! Soylent Green is people!” – Detective Thorn, Soylent Green
Subtext: I wish I didn’t know that Soylent Green is people. So gross. How am I ever going to get a boner again? Knowledge is a bitch. Ah well, might as well gross everyone else out, too.
“Take your stinking paws off me, you damn dirty ape!” – George Taylor, Planet of the Apes
Subtext: I’m not into bestiality … yet.
