1. Bullies
Why: Last week, the toughest anti-bullying law en el pais went into effect in New Jersey. The law protects victimas of bullying and trains maestros to help prevent bullying at schools.
Boycott:
To encourage otros estados to pass tougher anti-bullying laws, boycott any behaviors bullies tend to exhibit, como:
– Giving someone a wedgie, a noogie, or a Wet Willie.
– Wearing a football jersey, pounding your fist into your mano, and “mad dogging” people, while your goons stand on either side of you.
– Hurling people upside-down into trash cans.
– Rigging a High School elección so that the “loser girl” wins prom queen and so you can spill pig’s sangre all over her.
– Rigging a High School elección so that the “token gay estudiante” wins prom queen — and so you can watch him embrace the honor y luego perform a choreographed routine to Katy Perry’s “Firework.”
2. Adele
Why: Don’t get me wrong, hermanas: I love me some Adele. Pero lately they’ve been playing “Rolling In The Deep” so much en la radio that I’m starting to miss the omnipresent Nicki Minaj.
Boycott:
Show the radio estaciónes that you don’t want them to overplay Adele’s musica anymore by boycotting anything reminiscent of an Adele song, como:
– Engaging in any acción that could double as a metaphor for love, like: “rolling in the deep,” “turning tables,” “chasing pavements,” “spinning in the depths,” “rotating lecterns,” or “pursuing street gravel.”
– Singing in a voz that inspires people to post a new entry in their poetry/black-and-white-photography online journal.
– Telling a tale of unrequited amor that makes mujeres stare longingly into the distancia, shed a single tear, and think of how much they miss their ex-novio’s sweet abs.
3. Fear
Why: Gente, the 10th aniversario of 9/11 is this weekend y, no lo puedo creer, but the female heroes of 9/11 are still fighting to be recognized for the bravery they exhibited during the tragedy.
To help recognize these brave mujeres, I say we boycott all fear! 
Boycott:
Instead of avoiding all your fears, por favor, actively engage in them:
– Do handstands at the top of your local skyscraper.
– Ask the fantasma that haunts your casa if he’d like to join you for a warm cup of Abuelita‘s hot chocolate.
– Confront that evil neighbor of yours and tell her that she can stop performing witchcraft on you and that you’re perfectly capable of screwing up your life all on your own, muchicimas gracias.
– Pitch a tent in an elevator and set up camp there for the entire fín de semana.
– Take a Fear Factor-style “spider baño.”
– Take your afternoon siesta in a nailed-down coffin.
– Get invited to speak at an international TED Conference, y luego, before you go on stage, throw away your cue cards and decide to just “wing it.”
