As we all know and are ashamed to admit, the final Twilight movie comes out this week and personally, I’m pumped. Not because I loved the others (though I’ve seen them) and not because I loved the books (I can neither confirm nor deny that I’ve read them…) but because of a supposed surprise ending made for the film that differs from that of the novel. While it’s not likely the film will change any story points dramatically, we at Comediva can dream of some endings that would possibly redeem the series. Possibly.
“It was all just a dream!”
Here may be the ONE example in filmic or literary history where the dreaming-the-whole-time fake out would be an improvement to the story. If Bella dies during the epic (?) climactic battle scene and awakes with a start to find she’s only a junior in high school, not dating a sadist and still kickin’, I think she’d have a chance at being a productive member of society. Maybe even one that is alright to let young girls aspire to be. She could go to college, find an outlet for her masochism (Frat parties perhaps?) and think about a career, maybe a boyfriend with a pulse? I’m just spitballing here, I mean I’m no EL James, but I think if the last 4 (yes, there were really 4 previous) movies were dismissed as the sleeping delusions of a socially awkward weirdo, it would actually explain quite a bit and excuse some horrible story points.
Bella kicks the bucket.
Throughout this entire series, enlightened women have badgered Twihards for their reverence of Bella and the way she handles her entire life. She gives up her pulse, her freedom, her family and her best friends all to be with a dude who wants nothing more than to suck the life out of her. He breaks up with her, she stays in bed for months and throws herself off a cliff. He comes back and it’s all cool. He gets her pregnant with a monster baby and she’s all thrilled with this little beast and its ability to break her ribs. We’re not sure what Stephanie Meyer is getting at with these character choices for her heroine, but we’re sure that impressionable youths not should start searching for their Edward. If the chick was unceremoniously killed at the end of this story that seemed to NEVER end, it could be looked at as a cautionary tale rather than something anyone would ever want to aspire to. I think Kristen Stewart would also be thrilled to squash of any possibilities for another movie involving her.
Bella goes political.
Bella is the only survivor and goes on to campaign hard for vampire rights, eventually culminating in her running for office.
At least give the girl a career. Bitch barely finished high school in the story as it is.
Bella and Edward realize they have nothing in common and divorce.
There’s so little actual drama going on in this story besides some vampire politics BS, it could use a little infusion of Kramer vs. Kramer. There’s no indication throughout the books that these people are in any way made for each other besides Edward’s obsession with the way Bella’s blood smells (ew), so once she’s turned into a vampire, the attraction would be gone. Edward leaves Bella who then tries to kill herself as she’s wont to do, but finds it impossible with that newfound pesky immortality. So, the two fight over their kid, Renesmee, in a heated legal battle and go their separate ways after each gain partial custody. Hopefully one of them decides to legally change the kid’s name as well.
Everyone realizes what a dick Edward is and Bella moves on to Jacob.
What? I said I didn’t love the books, not that I didn’t have an opinion.
