Olympic Superheroines!
Megan Rapinoe vs. The Transformers
It’s steel vs. steel in this epic battle for Earth’s future. Soccer star and gold medalist (and lesbian icon) Megan Rapinoe unsheathes her iron-clad shins and calves to stop the decepticons’ latest attempt at total world domination.
Gabby Douglas vs. Darth Vader
All-Around gold medalist Gabby Douglas doesn’t need the Force to conquer sci-fi’s favorite estranged father; instead, she puts her flexibility and gravity-defying stunts to flip every which way around Vader’s head, ultimately causing him to strain his neck. Even his built-in life support system/inhaler isn’t enough to help the darth keep up, and a severe asthma attack renders him useless.
Serena Williams vs. Jabba the Hutt
Williams isn’t one to be subjected to sex-slavement. Having worked and sacrificed to rise to the top of the athletic and fashion worlds, it’s safe to say she’s debt-free, no matter how many fashion-forward gold bikinis Jabba wants her to design.
The Women’s Rowing Team vs. Barbossa
When Captain Barbossa and his crew of scalawags threatened the safety of the Eastern seaboard, the US Women’s Rowing team showed up and whacked the scurvy fiends with their paddles.
Jennifer Suhr vs. The Daleks
Ripped from the headlines — err BBC website — Daleks attempted to invade London during the Olympics. Good thing champion pole vaulter Jennifer Suhr was there to save the day with her springiness and bravery.
The Women’s Soccer Team vs. Some Walking Dead Zombies
These ladies showcased their fancy footwork and superhero skills when an outbreak threatened to turn the world into brainless flesh eaters! They kicked a lot of zombie heads into a lot of goals.
Carmelita Jeter vs. Chucky
While everyone else was running away from Chucky, sprinter Carmelita ran toward him, tackled him, and used his devilish baby arm as a baton in a victory relay. You can sleep soundly, kids; If Chucky comes back, Carmelita will be there to chase him out from under your bed.
Photoshoppin’ by Emily McGregor!
