Are you prepared for when North Korea inevitably nukes you with an inter-continental ballistic missile? What will you eat in your fallout shelter? What games will you play? What gossip do you currently have on hand that could sustain you through societal collapse and a nuclear winter?
Here are some fun bomb shelter recipes! This is DIY at its very best because you may quite literally be alone and forced to “Do It Yourself!”
Recipe One: Canned beans and canned tuna!
This is a fun one. Brimming with salt and protein, this dish will give you lots of energy to sit and wait to see who of your family survived out there. Simply open the cans (dear God I hope you have a can opener or NONE of my recipes will work for you). Open the cans. Combine the contents. Stir with a spoon. Bam. Food. You’re alive. And you cooked!
Things to know: as a result of this dish, you will fart a ton, but if no one’s around, who cares? And, as we say in the “survivalist” community, “The end of the world is the best time to fart.”
Recipe Two: Saltines and Peanut Butter!
Okay, I lied. You don’t need a can opener in ALL instances. First, unwrap some saltines. Be mindful of rations. Anyone who’s ever had a snack attack and found nothing but cardboard-flavored saltines in the back of the cabinet from the last time she had food poisoning, knows that you could easily polish off a whole stack in one sitting. Don’t. You and your companions will die faster if you do this. Try having three saltines. Cover them in peanut butter. Yum. It’s fun eating saltines when you’re not even sick.
Recipe Three: Canned Soup!
The irony of this dish (which requires a can opener, yes) is that, while there’s no microwave in your basement (dammit), the whole earth has become one giant microwave. (“Like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife.”)
If you’re lucky enough to be in the company of other humans, you have a viable means of heating your soup. Here’s how: everyone must position himself or herself over the soup and breathe on it heartily. In this fashion you will achieve two aims:
1) You will sort of/kind of warm your soup.
2) (This one matters a lot more.) You will expose yourself and others to all of the pathogens currently active in that room. Whatever potential illness lurks among you, get it out right now in that soup and you’ll have all the immunity, or illness, that you need for the rest of your stay, since no one is coming or going.
How’s the soup? Let me rephrase that. Does the soup have life-sustaining calories? Thought so.
So far North Korea has only “missiled” its way to the Philippines, so you have a few years yet to assemble your bunker. Then again, don’t be a Pollyanna about this. The end of the world has a way of sneaking up on you.
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Ready for more nuclear attack DIY tips?! Here are some fun games you can play in your fallout shelter!
