Miss Anthropic’s Reality Check

Dear Miss Anthropic,

Toni, Seal Beach, CA

Dear Sorrowful Snatch,

This has to be troubling to you since men never ask for directions.  What you need to do is draw a very detailed drawing of your vagina.  Next, put an X where the clitoris is and make copies of this “map.”  Put them on the remote, television, his windshield, and the dog.  You can also try getting a tattoo with an arrow pointing to the clitoris, or program his GPS with directions to the little man in the boat.

Dear Miss Anthropic,

My boyfriend says that he will not marry me as long as I have debt.  I have considerable student loans, but my credit is good.  Do you think he is wrong in saying this?  Should student loans be a deciding factor in us getting married?

Tricia, Temecula, CA

Dear Excuses for Dummies,

You believe him?  You are truly naïve if you think that is the reason he does not want to marry you.  He is never going to take that step with you and you need to stop wasting your time with this pussy and find someone who won’t jerk you around.  Get your stuff and hit the road ASAP.

Dear Miss Anthropic,

This girl I went on two dates with calls me every day and sends me a lot of texts.  I’m not really interested, but she continues to call.  What should I do about her?

Kevin, Monterey, CA

Dear Fatal Attraction,

Quickly, lock all your doors and check the windows.  Close the curtains and make sure all your pets are inside.  Change your phone number and move out of the country if you don’t want to get chopped into little pieces.  This chick is clearly unstable and a stalker.  Or maybe you stop leading her on, douchebag, and just tell her you aren’t interested, or don’t return her calls. 

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