However, I’m a glass half-full kind of feminist, and lately I’ve been trying my best to avoid writing Bella Swan completely off. What is feminism, if not faith in the fact that minds can change if offered the right opportunities and awareness?
So instead of going along with my angrier feminist sistahs, I decided to compile a list of powers that might just turn Bella’s life around:
The Power of Self-Respect
What’s that thing our parents tell us when we take our first steps into the murky depths of Dating? “Don’t be with anyone who makes you unhappy/feel less than you are”? If you’re like me, your only exposure to Twilight was when you drunkenly turned the TV on in the middle of the night, dropped the remote, were transferred to HBO’s showing of it, and felt too hazed to reach over and change the channel. But even that hour and a half were enough to teach us something about Bella: she takes things the boys in her life say way too seriously. Would she have been interested in Edward at all if he hadn’t first looked at her like she smelled like crap? Would she have been in that triangle at all, along with that vampire war thing, if people hadn’t kept treating her like she was a helpless damsel in distress? Had she some more self-respect, she would’ve responded to Edward’s first sneer appropriately: with a toss of the hair and a DGAF eyebrow arc, before moving on to someone who doesn’t give her the heebie jeebies on the daily.
The Power to Detect Weirdness
Which brings us to Bella’s conspicuously absent ability to read the signs and decide said signs are probably bad. In other words, to use them eyes and them ears and actually pay attention. Now, I’m not exactly an expert when it comes to reading social cues, but I’m pretty sure red eyes, creepy staring, and unnaturally pale skin are all signs of a crazed hermit/serial killer/the spawn of Satan. There’s no way someone that pretty’s as socially inept as we awkward, ordinary folk.
The Power of Free Will and/or to Just Say “No”
After one detects weirdness, it’s important to funnel said detection into action; that is, weigh the factors. He’s super pale. Nobody knows how old he is. Oh, he flies. Oh, he glitters in sunlight. Oh, he’s a vampire. Oh, he stalks me. Oh, my life isn’t my own anymore. Oh, he’s too cold to spoon with. Oh, my life’s been crap ever since we started dating. Hm. Maybe I should end this. Before, you know, I get knocked up or die or become so useless I try to jump off a cliff to get his attention.
Yeah, Bella. Shit. Back when I was angsty and emo, my therapist told me sad thoughts were surefire No-No Signs. As in, “No-no, whatever’s bringing these on needs to go away.”
The Power of Sexual Freedom
How did the producers of 16 and Pregnant and every other teen-based reality show manage to pass up the opportunity to cast this chick? Look, Bella, we all went through that Death Cab for Cutie phase, when we couldn’t wait to “fall in love,” but, honestly, you’re in high school. Why not play the field a little more? Surely there’s someone out there who doesn’t rely on animal blood. And your blood. And doesn’t have to eat his way through your womb.
Probably the weirdest but most honest piece of advice my mom gave me when I hit high school was “Don’t wait til you’re married. Find out what you like first. Eeeeeeesh.” The guy damn near killed you the first time ’round. Something tells me Jacob might’ve been a little gentler. Moreover, sex gives you endorphins; endorphins make you happy; happy people just don’t creep on deer or feel the need to settle the “whom should I spend the rest of my whole life with” issue at the age of 17.
The Power to Attract Only Ordinary Guys
Does more even need to be said? There had to have been some polite, sweet, honest, good-looking guy in that high school of hers who respects boundaries. And, being that she’s around a 9 on the hottness scale, you’d think she’d have caught his eye.
The Power to Watch TV/Read/Use the Internet
Seriously. Do TV, books, and the internet not exist in Forks? Because it’s hard to believe that if they did, Bella wouldn’t have seen something that said, loud and clear, “Hey, by the by, vampires don’t make for good significant others. I mean, they’re dead.”
The Power to Emote
As in, emote things other than overwhelming sadness and incompetence. Once you really know what makes you absolutely happy and not entirely dependent on the feelings of someone else, other things’ll fall into place. How about goals, Bella? How about wanting to do something besides get married and churn out mutant babies? Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but I don’t think you shout with glee once throughout the entire series.
that “moods of…” comparison does not get old. ever! 😀