As you may know, I can’t read. Frida’s been trying to teach me, but fuck, reading reminds me of school, which reminds me of my brief stint as Mr. Harris’ “student with benefits.” Major failatio, too. Asshole.Anyway.
So I never got around to reading Twilight, and, frankly, the movies make me snooze. All I got from them is that there’s some chick who’s batshit crazy for some glittering douchebag who looks like he’s about to drop a deuce pretty much 24/7. And who won’t. Fucking. Die already. To catch up, I did some research, and found this nugget of a vid — which not only sums the whole thing up for you, but also makes you laugh so hard you break that seal that’s been sitting tight since you left Rick’s Bar.
Plus, the Cullen in this version of the vampire saga is way less douche-seeming, probably because of his mad beat.
[Editor’s Note: It is true that Shirley has trouble with words. All of her work is normally recorded into a tape recorder and later transcribed by our man-slave.]
