Jeepers Peepers, or how I learned to stop worrying and sit still for eyelash extensions.
I have small eyeballs. This wouldn’t be a problem per se, except I have kind of a big everything else so far as my face goes – a stately, extreme cheekbones, and a chin that rival’s Reese Witherspoon’s. And so here I am, lying on a table in a small salon on LA’s East side, about to undergo yet another attempt to make my eyes appear bigger: eyelash extensions.
I’m no stranger to eyelash enhancement. On special occasions I’ve been known to apply the individual lashes (purchased from my local drugstore) and strategically adhere them to my peepers. And they look great… for about 48 hours. After which time they begin to fall off. Not only does this uneven and uncontrolled process leave you with some groups of lashes and some bald spots as though you have alopecia of the eyeballs, but deciduous lashes prove to fall off at the most inopportune moments, like in the middle of your lunch, like right into your soup, in front of your boss. Hot.
Eyelash extensions are a longer term solution to the paltry eyelash problem, without the potential downsides (eyelid darkening, iris pigmentation) of the popular Latisse. They are pretty much what they sound like – falsies for your eyelashes. A (hopefully) skilled aesthetician glues individual polymer strands (i.e. a fake lash) to your own individual lashes with a special kind of adhesive that will keep them in place until your eyelash naturally falls out (generally between 3 – 6 weeks). Since an extensions is applied to an individual lash (not all of them, but about 30-70 per eye)., it’s pretty time-consuming and apparently an art. Who knew.
I start by making an appointment with Gigi (all names have been changed to protect the innocent). Prices for this thing vary based on where you get this done (hole-in-the-wall versus full scale spa) and what kind of lashes you get (synthetic or natural – usually silk of mink) – normally the range is $150 to $300. I opt for Gigi, Gigi comes highly recommended from Yelp and her prices are pretty reasonable. Because I’m loath to sped a ton on an untested beauty process , I opt for the synthetic mink lashes, which at Gigi’s salon is $80. The process will take 2 hours.
Gigi is apparently very hip. She calls the night before our appointment and leaves me a message, asking me to confirm via text. I do, and the reply back I receive says “C yeah.” Not generally a stickler for grammar, I am concerned, as this woman will be applying glue next to my precious eyeballs (the FDA does not presently regulate this procedure). I reread the Yelp reviews, imbibe a little “mother’s helper” in the form of NyQuil, and put my fears aside long enough to go to sleep.
I arrive the next day, armed with my iPod and ready to bliss out to some NPR podcasts while my lashes become beautified. Easier said than done. The process begins when Gigi lays down protective silicone pads under my eyes. For whatever reason, these seem to really irritate my eyes, which start watering profusely. And since tears are an enemy to eyelash glue, it takes some adjusting of the pads before my eyes relax and we can move on. Next she lays down some “tape” (really paper with a very light adhesive) over my bottom lashes to protect them. More watering, more waiting. After about ten minutes, Gigi can start in earnest.
She asks what I want as far as lash length, I tell her natural – I don’t need to be looking like a Harajuki girl. Then she asks about curl – co many options! – and again I tell her to go conservative. My lashes are pretty sparse and I don’t want to walk out looking like I have curly spiders glued to my eyelids. I ask her to go as conservative as possible
Gigi keeps working, and I lightly drift off into sleep. Then I wake up to a cramp in my foot. Also I have to pee – not moving for two hours is harder work than I imagined. Thankfully there are only twenty minute left in the process and I manage to keep distract myself with the dulcet ramblings of Ira Glass. As she finishes, Gigi gives me pointers for how to care for my lashes, which include no washing my face in the shower and no sleeping on my side or stomach, nothing that pushes my face into a pillow. I tell her this may put a serious damper on my love life. She does not laugh.
She’s finally ready for me to open my eyes, and I am shocked. This is conservative? My lashes are way longer and thicker. I mean, it’s awesome, but so not subtle, at least to me.
But apparently they are subtle. My most honest friends, who lovingly point out every foible and whom I have not told about this procedure, simply tell me they like my eye makeup , even though I’m actually not wearing any. And I have definitely noticed a higher than normal ratio of good-looking guys smiling and saying hello. The final true test – within three minutes of being in Home Depot, I get approached by an employee asking if he can help me. Five minutes later, a different employee offers help. Ladies, I have cracked the Home Depot code. Thanks lashes!
The verdict: an intense and kind of expensive procedure which produces a dramatic effect. Worth it? Yes so far, though I’m having trouble getting over how fake I feel. Funny to think that after ten years of living in LA I’m still not okay with being fake. I guess I have a lot to learn.
