Katharine’s Tips for the Post-St. Patrick’s Day Walk of Shame
St. Patrick’s Day is an inevitable shitshow of alcohol, multiple makeout sessions, and going home with one or more rugby players from Boston. Read: it’s a fabulous time. But given that you’re destined to blackout well before you reach your unknown bed for the night, what’s a girl to do to execute an efficient, though hungover, escape? The luck of the Irish is with you, young lady, for happening upon this article. After many a March 17, I have perfected my post-St. Patty’s exit strategy to a science. Read, and learn.
Plan ahead. Don’t fool yourself into thinking you’ll be “good” this year. That’s just silly. Instead, make like a girl scout and be sure you have your emergency provisions. If you wear contacts, stash an extra pair in your purse (you know one of them is winding up in the toilet at O’Brien’s.) Also, a fresh pair of undies and one of those disposable tiny toothbrushes will save your life in the morning, and fit easily in a normal purse.
Speaking of purses… for God’s sake, I don’t care how cute it is, do not take a clutch. It can’t even fit your smartphone and can’t be drunkenly slung over your arm, so you KNOW you’ll just abandon it on a bar stool while doing whiskey shots. Remember: this is the only day that looking cute is not top priority. This is about survival. Take the medium-sized purse that zips up. (You could even fit a spare sundress in that one and some flats … crucial!)
Emergency $20: Always fold up a twenty-dollar bill and hide it somewhere in your wallet so you won’t spend it. This makes for an easy escape with no cab fare hassle when you realize you’ve left your credit card with an open tab at the bar.
Breadcrumbs: On St. Patrick’s Day, you never know where you’ll wind up, and since anything can happen, you never know when you’ll need to cut and run. (Example: girlfriend comes in at 3AM and finds you passed out beside her drunkass man = not pretty). In times like these, it will be quite helpful to know how the fuck to get away. Make sure in your drunken haze that you set yourself a path of landmarks as you stumble along, kind of like Hansel and Gretel. You can do this by focusing really hard on certain landmarks (“remember the pink house”) or you could literally mark your way with a piece of chalk if you’re super shameless. You can pull this off if you hold it subtlety in your hand and drag it along a wall. Plus it gives the cops a good way to find you if you accidentally go home with a psychopath! Win-win.
Alrighty, my little leprechauns, off you go: I hope one — or several — fellas have the luck o’ the Irish in finding your pot o’ gold!
xo,
Kat
Plan ahead. Don’t fool yourself into thinking you’ll be “good” this year. That’s just silly. Instead, make like a girl scout and be sure you have your emergency provisions. If you wear contacts, stash an extra pair in your purse (you know one of them is winding up in the toilet at O’Brien’s.) Also, a fresh pair of undies and one of those disposable tiny toothbrushes will save your life in the morning, and fit easily in a normal purse.
Speaking of purses… for God’s sake, I don’t care how cute it is, do not take a clutch. It can’t even fit your smartphone and can’t be drunkenly slung over your arm, so you KNOW you’ll just abandon it on a bar stool while doing whiskey shots. Remember: this is the only day that looking cute is not top priority. This is about survival. Take the medium-sized purse that zips up. (You could even fit a spare sundress in that one and some flats … crucial!)
Emergency $20: Always fold up a twenty-dollar bill and hide it somewhere in your wallet so you won’t spend it. This makes for an easy escape with no cab fare hassle when you realize you’ve left your credit card with an open tab at the bar.
Breadcrumbs: On St. Patrick’s Day, you never know where you’ll wind up, and since anything can happen, you never know when you’ll need to cut and run. (Example: girlfriend comes in at 3AM and finds you passed out beside her drunkass man = not pretty). In times like these, it will be quite helpful to know how the fuck to get away. Make sure in your drunken haze that you set yourself a path of landmarks as you stumble along, kind of like Hansel and Gretel. You can do this by focusing really hard on certain landmarks (“remember the pink house”) or you could literally mark your way with a piece of chalk if you’re super shameless. You can pull this off if you hold it subtlety in your hand and drag it along a wall. Plus it gives the cops a good way to find you if you accidentally go home with a psychopath! Win-win.
Alrighty, my little leprechauns, off you go: I hope one — or several — fellas have the luck o’ the Irish in finding your pot o’ gold!
xo,
Kat
Leave a reply
Share This
