You’ll need:
– One dozen eggs (two if you’re SUPER popular)
– Food coloring. They sell it at the grocery store, baking aisle. They also sell those nifty egg decorating kits if you want to throw stickers, stencils and other things shaped like bunnies and chicks into the mix.
– CHOCOLATE. All shapes and sizes. Also peeps, jelly beans and all the other amazing sugar-coated goodness that comes with them.
– Mini liquor bottles. You’ve got two options here, the liquor store or running down to the airport and holding up a 747 for its liquor stash. Guess which one is less likely to end in an uncomfortable conversation with Homeland Security?
– Mixers and cocktail recipes. See the above for suggestions for locating same.
Next step? Invite your amigos and amigas to join you on Easter (a.k.a. April 24, a.k.a. this Sunday). Okay, fine, it doesn’t HAVE to be Easter proper. Saturday is also acceptable if you insist on not being hung over Monday morning.
I bet you can guess what you’re going to have to do before the guests arrive. No, you shouldn’t hide the raw eggs and drink all the booze yourself. And no, just because it’s in a tiny bottle it doesn’t mean it will make you just a tiny bit drunk. Apparently, we need to explain the proper process for building a cocktail hunt.
First, boil the eggs. If you have never hard-boiled an egg before (don’t worry, we don’t judge) it’s easy. Any comediva can do it. It involves sticking a bunch of eggs in a pot, adding water (enough to cover the eggs), then sticking the whole business (pot, plus eggs, plus water) on a high heat burner for 6-10 minutes.
If you don’t know how to use your stove, sorry dudette, we can’t help you.
Second, hide the booze. Take the airline style bottles and hide them around the house/yard. You can save a few for a second round, if you like, just remember to decrease the difficulty level of your hiding spots as people get drunker.
Next, set up your bar with mixers and put out the various forms of process sugar you’ve used this party as an excuse to acquire. You may also include food that involves actual nutritional value if you wish. This is a cocktail party, after all, and cocktails require mixers and parties require snacks!
You’ll also need an egg dying station. Spreading out some newspapers on the dining room table/kitchen counter is highly recommended, because good egg dying should be messy. Then go put on your best Easter frock (see, we knew we loved this holiday, it involves sugar AND shopping) and wait for your guests to arrive.
If tiny bottles of booze hidden around the joint just aren’t enough fun for your guests, Easter offers all sorts of other opportunities for taking the wholesome pursuits of our childhood and turning them into something twisted and wrong in all the best ways.
Comediva suggests the following:
1. Wrongest Easter Egg Prizes: Reward your least appropriate friend by providing chocolate bunnies for those with the most inappropriately decorated Easter Eggs.
2. Make Your Own Easter Bonnet: Make recycling fun again! Pull out all those toilet paper tubes, paper towel tubes, old newspapers and magazines and anything else that looks like it could become a craft item and see what happens when drunk people try to make hats out of recyclables. Follow up with a fashion show!
3. Bunny Hop Races: If you can’t figure this one out on your own, you’re too wasted to be party planning right now. Come back later.
Happy Easter, Comedivas!
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Vegans and booze hounds everywhere, rejoice! This sounds like it’d be A LOT of fun