We bet you anything it would look something like this:
Source: TrendHunter.com
Headline: “UNDENIABLE PROOF THAT HUMANITY HAS BECOME ENSLAVED BY ANIMAL SUBSPECIES!”
Event: You picking up your dog’s poop.
Headline: “LOCAL CITIZEN MAKES SHOCKING, CONTROVERSIAL STATEMENTS ABOUT NATURE! TOTALLY BLASTS THE ENVIRONMENT.”
Event: You saying to your friend: “I hate it when it rains.”
Headline: “YOU WON’T BELIEVE WHAT PART OF HER BODY THIS IS.”
Picture: Your hairy armpit.
Event: You being too busy to shave for a week.
Headline: “WATCH: HER BEST GIRLFRIEND CALLS HER A WHORE AND THEN SLAPS HER!”
Video: As your best girlfriend is gardening, she asks you for a hoe and then gently slaps your wrist when you mistakenly hand her some hedge clippers.
Headline: “TOP TEN THINGS SHE HASN’T CLEANED IN HER APARTMENT IN A YEAR! DISTURBING IMAGES!”
Photo: A gallery of things you haven’t cleaned in your apartment in the past year including photos of your sink, your bathtub, your laundry, your cat, and your mouth guard.
Headline: “MASSIVE EXIT STRATEGY FAIL”
Event: You accidentally “pushing” instead of “pulling” a door at a restaurant.
Headline: “‘IT WAS THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE,’ SHE SAYS. ‘IT WAS SO EMBARRASSING.'”
Event: You deciding to watch Late Night with Jimmy Fallon one night.
Headline: “HUGE CORRUPTION SCANDAL REVEALED!”
Event: You telling the cashier at the Coffee Bean that you’re taking your coffee “to go” when you’re really just going to sit down and drink your coffee there — and you only lied because you’re too cheap to pay the extra tax.
Headline: “SHE’S EXPECTED TO MAKE A BIG, SHOCKING, LIFE-ALTERING, ANNOUNCEMENT TODAY. SAYS BF: ‘IT’S GONNA BE A GAME CHANGER.’ “
Event: You deciding to get highlights.
Headline: “ARIANNA HUFFINGTON: ‘HER LIFE IS A HUGE DISSAPOINTMENT AND HER INACTION ON IMPORTANT ISSUES IS THREATENING THE AMERICAN DREAM.'”
Op-ed: Arianna Huffington expresses her overwhelming disappointment in your inability to advance your career goals. She points out that all of your progress is being stifled by the constant bickering between you and your mother, and a historic, meteoric, unprecedented gulf between you and your father. She urges you to stop the “divisive parental rhetoric” and find common ground in order to lift up the disenfranchised victims of your personal financial crisis — your two cats: Squiggles and Marmalade.
Headline: “WATCH: JON STEWART RIPS ON HER POLICY OF ONLY DATING GUYS WHO LIKE THE TV SHOW FRIENDS.”
Video: Utilizing brilliant satire, Jon Stewart totally makes you feel guilty for the fact that you reject men who don’t love the popular ’90s sitcom — and yet, he points out, you expect your potential partner to put up with your questionable obsession with TLC’s less-than-mediocre and uninspired reality TV show Say Yes to the Dress?
Headline: “THE END IS NEAR.”
Event: You sitting on your toilet, finding out that you’re pregnant.
