by Valedictorian Vanessa
I think it’s helpful to appear calm when a guy talks to you. Sometimes you might shake, but I always tell them I have a caffeine addiction or something.
They usually give a polite laugh if you say something like that. Then I leave. That’s my favorite part. But sometimes the encounters last a while, or sometimes you actually really want to talk to him and that’s when I try and remember the following things…
1. Have an escape route.
It’s easy to look for one if you never make eye contact … which I rarely do. An escape route doesn’t have to be a door; it can be a cell phone, too. Sometimes, I pretend my phone is on vibrate and I’ll “answer it” just before contact is made. Just make sure your conversation is serious. My favorite one combines a door and a cell phone. If you’re somewhere social, pretend you have a friend who is coming to meet you and can’t find the place, then say you have to step outside and flag them down. Have money ready for a cab once you’re out the door.
2. Your mouth is wounded.
One time I was at this wedding for a cousin and this man approached me while I was looking at pictures of the couple. When I saw him coming, I shoved a paper towel in my mouth and when he tried to talk to me, I told him I’d had a root canal. Now I carry Kleenex, just in case, because paper towels aren’t really clean.
3. Act like Data.
Sometimes, I would watch Star Trek: The Next Generation and I always thought that Data had it so easy. So one time when a guy I thought was cute asked me about the release date for a movie he wanted to see, I managed to give him a quick and precise answer. Pretend to be an android, it really helps, especially when you think you’re about to hurl. Androids don’t hurl (I don’t think).
4. Scratch your brain.
Turn your brain into a scratched record and blindly respond to conversation with generic, noncommittal phrases: “Uh huh,” “wow,” “crazy,” “oh my God,” “how about that…” “Oh, I don’t know,” “Oh, yeah, yeah,” and so on. I usually make a list before I go out. I carry it on a laminated card in my purse, in case I forget. Never, ever say “Really?” because it adds minutes to the conversation, which could be bad.
5. Dry Heave.
Sometimes, if I know beforehand that I’m going to run into a guy I like, I don’t eat anything hours before the possible encounter. I think eating is really healthy and you shouldn’t ever … you know … stop? But if you are prone to anxiety around a guy with chestnut brown eyes and a beautiful smile, you can turn a dry heave into a fake laugh.
