How to Date a Dragon

Elliott from Pete’s Dragon & The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo


Elliott is just a big, sweet dope, and you might think that the Girl with the Dragon Tattoo would tear him to shreds, but you forget — he’s still a DRAGON!  He’ll fall in love with her tattoo the second he lays eyes on her, and he won’t even mind that she may or may not have Asperger’s.  Dragons don’t really care about social graces, you know!

Dream Date:  The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo exposes Elliott the Dragon to an underground rave in an abandoned doll factory.  Someone slips a tab of Ecstacy into his beer and he ends up going home with Sven the DJ, leading to a very awkward walk of shame in the morning.

Mushu from Mulan & Dragon from Shrek 


The Dragon from Shrek is a match made in heaven with Mushu of Mulan.  Why?  Because she dated Donkey from Shrek, so she obviously has a penchant for Eddie Murphy’s dulcet voiceover stylings!

Dream Date:  Being that Mushu is so much smaller than Dragon, he loves riding on her back as they fly across the star-speckled sky!

Dragon Maleficent from Sleeping Beauty & Norbert from Harry Potter


[Editor’s Note: Ever self-conscious, Norbert abhors being photographed.  But, rest assured, Norbert is over the age of dragon consent.]

Forget about Maleficent the witch, Maleficent the dragon is SUPER HOT!  Her fire is so hot, it’s GREEN!  And there’s only one thing to say about Norbert — if he’s good enough for Hagrid, he’s good enough for me!

Dream Date:  Norbert suggests a nice flight around the forest or perhaps a relaxing afternoon chasing after Thestrals, but Maleficent just wants to be invited to all the right parties.  And if you don’t … bitch, please.  Get ready for some prickage.

Smaug from The Hobbit & Komodo Dragon That Bit Sharon Stone’s Husband 


The komodo dragon that bit Sharon Stone’s husband may not breathe fire, but he’s SAUCY, okay?  And Smaug, what’s not to love about Smaug?  With gold and gemstones embedded in his belly, he’s taken bling to a whole ‘nother level!

Dream Date:  A cozy fire, some nice humans to munch on … nature takes its course and the Lonely Mountain ain’t so lonely anymore!

Bowser from MarioKart & Penelope, Barbie’s Dragon Pal


Bowser may or may not actually be a dragon, and Penelope is Barbie’s dragon pal, so right off the bat, they have something in common: they’re marginalized in the dragon community.  It takes a lot of work to win the respect of fellow dragons, and these two have it in the bag if they stick together!  Plus, it’s important to note that Bowser clearly has a thing for chicks in pink, given that he’s always capturing Princess Peach.

Dream Date:  Like any good Barbie product, Penelope loves crusin’ in a dream convertible.  Which works out, ’cause Bowser has one from his MarioKart days!  These two love speeding down an open highway at sunset, with Bowser throwing banana peels and turtle shells at other cars, while Penelope melts tires with her fire-breath!

Dragon Balls from Dragon Ball Z & Quetzalcoatl

Talk about east meets west!  Quetzy has been around for hundreds of years, and hardly ever gets any play!  Enter the Dragon Balls…

Dream Date:  There’s juggling, feathers flying everywhere, summoning and sh*t, and don’t forget the good old-fashioned human sacrifice!  Quetzy has a barrel of fun with the power of the Dragon Balls, especially when they bring forth the apocalypse together!

Daenerys Targaryen from Game of Thrones & “Bruce” Leroy Green from The Last Dragon

This couple is bound to last, sho’ nuff!  They’re both “The Last Dragon” in their respective universes, talk about chemistry!  And, you know, Leroy shoots energy out of his hands and Dany can touch fire, so there’s that to talk about.

Dream Date:  Leroy invites Daenerys to train in his karate dojo, teaching her how to kill Doth’raki and knights alike with her bare hands!  She also teaches him some moves … as in sex.