Hollywood is full of lies, lies! Here’re a few movie tropes that have not once happened to me in real life.
1) How to Make Someone Love Me in Two Easy Steps:
Step 1: Take off glasses.
Step 2: Let hair down.
Bonus Step: Ask them if they prefer a fall or a spring wedding.
Yeah, OK, it’s a fantastic notion that the love of your life can be hiding under some faux lenses and a banana clip, but I’ve tried this six times in front of Ryan Gosling’s house, and all it’s gotten me is restrained.
2) Awesome Montages That Speed Through the Lame Parts:
Don’t you wish you could cut down your workout to a 2-minute montage?
Oh, the montage. What’s not to love about this well-oiled Hollywood machine? Real life needs a Montage button. Preparing for a 5k, but don’t really want to spend all that time working out before you’re ready? Montage it! Do about three sit-ups, run up a couple stairs, drink some water, and look really sweaty, all while some killer music plays in the background, then boom! You’re totally ready to kick some ass.
3) Spontaneous Dance Sequences:
Not one time have I ever been a part of a spontaneous dance sequence. You’ve seen these, so you know what I’m talking about. Maybe you’re at a party, and it’s your big defining moment in life, like you’ve just gone up against the town hall to overturn the law against dancing, and even though you lost, you really won, because now you’re at a party. So, you start to dance and within seconds everyone’s out on the floor, and you’re all dancing in sync, no practice, and there’s confetti and bowties and velvet tuxedoes. OK, maybe I just want real life to be more like Footloose, but whatevs.
I’ve gathered that this text has intentional comedic undertones, but nevertheless/everthemore:
1. An elementary school classmate of mine looked absolutely stunning without her glasses and with her hair not in a ponytail. Score one for the movies.
2. You do realize the actual purpose of training montages? That the training actually does take time, and that this is just a way of not making an audience watch a month-long movie? If not, I suggest DVDA’s song cleverly titled “Montage”.
3. I’ve actually initiated at least three spontaneous dance sequences myself. At my college. Heh, shows how sane I am, but ah well.
4. As far as buses go I don’t know, but I have seen bad people get their up-and-comings on the road: a drunkard hooligan kid crashing his bike and smearing himself on the pavement (he lived), a reckless driver ramming his car under a trolleybus (he lived), etc/
5. Meh, I’ll give you the sex on the beach thing, but only because I rarely ever go seaside for holidays anymore. And, to quote Anakin Skywalker whilst groaning internally for doing so, “I don’t like sand. It’s coarse and rough and irritating…and it gets everywhere”.
Now that I’ve officially killed the buzz, off I go.
Are you a professional troll? I hope not, since you’ve never seen a typo before. But thanks, we fixed it! Kisses!
Are you a professional writer? I hope not since you don’t know the difference in “apart” and “a part.”
My ex said she had sex on the beach, once. (Thankfully before we were dating, cause it was with someone else.)