The new cool thing to talk about is the presidential election of 2016. So, due to her rising popularity, Comediva’s put together Hillary Clinton’s cabinet for 2016!
Perhaps, Hillary’s future presidential cabinet will look like this:
Vice President: Nancy Pelosi
After appointing former House Speaker Nancy Pelosi as Vice President, Hillary Clinton would explain her choice by paraphrasing the great feminist poet, Beyonce:
“Who run the world? Girls. Not: girl. Plural, bitches. Plural.”
Secretary of State: Chelsea Clinton
Secretary of State Chelsea Clinton would travel the world and assure the leaders of every country that she’s seriously not getting into politics. But the media would have trouble believing her because every time she’d say that, she’d get this goofy smile on her face, and then she’d do something really geeky, like ask Prime Minister Netanyahu to sign her daily briefing:
“To Chelsea: May your secret desire for politics never wane. Sincerely, Prime Minister Netanyahu, (or as you like to call me, Benny ‘The Jewish Jet’ Rodriguez).”
First Gentleman: Bill Clinton
First Gentleman Bill Clinton’s primary responsibility would be to promote monogamy all over America with his new organization, “Joining Libidos.” The organization would help America’s horniest dads keep their zippers up, while being responsible and committed to their gorgeous, hardworking, good-hearted, and surprisingly-always-right wives.
White House Press Secretary: Barack Obama
The White House Press Secretary’s primary job is to stand alone behind a podium while disgruntled journalists yell at him, blame him for everything, and suck every last piece of life force out of him until he’s close to tears.
So, after several years of experience doing just that, Obama would be primed and ready for the position.
Secretary of Energy: Deepak Chopra
Secretary of Energy Deepak Chopra would announce:
“Like the cosmos, our energy systems are filled with pure potentiality. As with physics and thermodynamics, we must practice the law of least effort in order to access the present and restore our synchronicitis karma.”
When America asks Deepak:
“What does that mean?”
Deepak will respond:
“It means that, as your new Secretary of Energy, I’m just gonna sit on my ass and collect my paycheck. You’re welcome, America. Namaste.”
President: Hillary Clinton
Every morning, at exactly 3 a.m EST, President Clinton would wake up in The Oval Office and walk out of a bed she fashioned out of the many fan letters addressed to her by millions of gay men across the country. She wouldn’t need to change her clothes because she’d already be in her navy blue pantsuit and heels. After briefly washing her face with the tears of her sworn enemies, she’d don her Prada glasses, and spend most of her day running around, getting stuff done, while texting orders to her cabinet via her BlackBerry. At the end of the day, when her BlackBerry’s battery runs out of energy, she’d simply recharge it with the awe-inspiring feminine power that naturally exudes from her pours.
