But a new rival website “GLOP.com” is about to be launched by none other than Gwyneth’s evil twin sister Warthog Newtply! The site will touch on the same lifestyle topics as dear dainty delicate Gwyneth’s, but with a less healthy, more hedonistic twist! Ms. Newtply is all about stuff the average woman can really sink her non-professionally-whitened teeth into.
Here is an exclusive sneak peak at GLOP, with tips from Warthog herself! If you recognize the categories from GOOP, it might be because Warthog, being the most scheming of the Paltrow clan, ripped off her sister’s site design.
Make: The Best Sandwiches Made from Leftover Pizza
Here you’ll find detailed instructions on how to repurpose day-old pizza into fabulous sandwiches. From PB&Js to BLTs, the “pizza as bread” method can jazz up even the most boring lunch option.
Go: Take a Vacation to Paris Without Leaving Your Kitchen
All you need is the following: French toast sticks. A box of Beaujolais. The “French Bistro” station on Pandora. Build your own Eiffel Tower out of toothpicks and string fromage with assistance from a sock puppet named Pierre. Voila. You just saved yourself some serious francs.
Get: The Best Times of The Day to Shop at Costco
We’ve studied the ways of the Costco. We tracked the bakery schedule and reviewed the free-sample timetable to bring you the best time of day to get warm-from-the-oven bagels and the freshest free-take-one meatballs. We call it the “Costco Sweet Spot.”
Be: Top Ways to Rationalize Not Going to the Gym
Thinking about hitting the gym? Stop right there, missy! From leveling your Warcraft character to writing a mournful sonnet about Weltschmerz, here are the top ways to convince yourself that the elliptical machine is nothing more that a waste of your time!
See: How to Scour the Net for the Best Girl-Friendly Porn Sites
Tired of big fake knockers blocking your view of some greased-up stud’s package? We’ve found the best sites for lady-friendly smut! On these sites, it’s nonstop pecs, buns, and balls!
After the launch of GLOP, Warthog Newtply plans to focus on her death metal music career, hoping to release a duet album with her sister in 2013. Gwyneth Paltrow’s rep refused to comment on the statement.
